It has been too long since I did any blogging, but this issue has been on my mind for several years and should have been discussed way back then. So, better late than never!
Titus 2:3a & 4, "The aged women likewise,...
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,"
Psalm 37:25, "I have been young, and now am old;..."
I think I finally am qualified to teach the women to love their husband and to love their children. And so today, I pray that my words will first, glorify the Lord and second, be a blessing and encouragement (and perhaps a conviction and life-changer) to you ladies.
Here is the question: "Do you praise your family?" That may sound sacrilegious to some, as we are told over and over to praise God, to praise the Lord. I am not asking if your praise is worship and exaltation of your family, but simply put, do you nag and complain to your family more than you thank them and praise them for what they have done and for who they are? (and, no, I am not talking about flattering compliments. There is a difference!)
Think about your childhood: how did you feel (and possible react) when someone truly praised you for a job well done, for a certain character quality that you demonstrated, for doing something that you didn't have to do, but did it with a great spirit just to be a blessing to someone else? Now, think about this: how did you feel (and most likely react) when someone either ignored you or got down on you? Which would you rather experience? Which would be the most likely to encourage you to do the right thing? (and no, I am not saying that there is never a time for anger and rebuke.)
I can tell you that in my life, I would much rather hear the praise which I know would encourage me to do even more of the right things. If I would hear the negative words, I would be even more stubborn and try to find new (and usually sneakier) ways to do the wrong thing just to get back at the person who spoke those negative words. And my opinion of the negative person would never improve if I never heard any kind words from them. (Remember that now I am ancient and old, and know much better than to behave that way. No, that does not excuse my past sinful behavior. I have confessed that sin and it is under the blood of Christ.)
The thing is, as much as we like to receive praise from others, it feels just as good and even better when we give praise to others. So, ask yourself this question and try to be honest: "How many times did you honestly praise and thank your children and or husband yesterday? Now, how many times did you come down on them?" Many, many years ago I remember hearing a message that proclaimed that we should try to praise our family members ten times as much as we nag on them. I thought I could never do that! But as I reflect back, I realize that the concept was that we need to speak words of kindness much more often than we speak negative words, and that we should truly be grateful for each individual in the family God has given to us. (I think that can apply to your physical family as well as to your spiritual family, and even to the family of mankind.) Can you imagine what could happen if we began today to start thanking our children for everything that they do and praise them for their good character qualities? Could you imagine how much stronger our marriage would be if we begin today to truly thank our husband for each thing that they do and praise them for who they are? What would happen within our church? Our community?
So, how do you truly praise someone? A good place to start would be to sit down and write out the things you appreciate about each member in your family. (And no, I am not talking about their physical attributes. They had nothing to do with that. They look the way they do because God created them that way. Those types of words would be hollow flattering compliments. I am talking about their personality and the things that are good that they have chosen to do.) For instance, I will use my daughter as an example, she is: faithful, reliable, prompt, loyal, kind, compassionate, caring, funny, curious, helpful, and so much more. (I made my list years ago and have been able to keep adding to it. And so will you as you begin to focus on the good in your family.) Then I began to purposefully praise her for these good qualities whenever I saw them being manifested. I also began to thank her every time she did something whether I had asked her to do or she had just done it of her own volition. At first it felt really weird to praise her. That was because I had been doing so much nagging throughout the years, thinking that if I yelled at her enough she would get busy being the person I wanted her to be. But, I was determined (one of my stronger character qualities. Some could even call it stubbornness), to change the way that I talked to my family. As the days went by, it got easier to give praise and thanks, and as an added bonus, we began to love each other more and more.
Here are some examples of what I am trying to teach you (and I bet you are doing a good job of learning because I know that you desire to strengthen the relationships within your family.):
INSTEAD OF:
Why are your clothes laying on the floor?
TRY THIS:
You are such a clean person, I am glad that you like to wear clean clothes, and I know that you will put these dirty ones in the laundry basket as soon as I leave, because you are also an obedient child.
INSTEAD OF:
How many times do I have to tell you to do....
TRY THIS:
I noticed today that you were showing kindness to your sister. I know that a kind person can also do as they are told. Remember when I told you to....
INSTEAD OF:
Why are you still doing..... when I told you to stop?
TRY THIS:
I know that you are determined to do what I told you and that sometimes it can be hard to obey, but since you didn't obey, you will be punished. Next time, I know you will be more determined to obey.
INSTEAD OF:
(Not even noticing that the person is trying to obey and/or please you.)
TRY THIS:
(Pay attention to the little details. Stop what you are doing for a minute and go to that person, look them in the eye, and either thank them sincerely for what they are trying to do, and/or praise them.)
There are always opportunities to thank and praise others, and I believe, that it is important to make those opportunities happen. I hope that you will take the time every day to speak in love and sincerity to your family. I made the time when my daughter was young to praise her every evening when I put her to bed. She's too old to do that now, but I try to take the opportunity at least once a week to praise her for her qualities. And I thank her all throughout the day. She (and my husband) have picked up on this habit and it has strengthened our family. It just feels so good to be appreciated, and in turn it feels even better to love and appreciate those whom God has placed in my life.
So, dear friend, I appreciate your love, your faithfulness within our friendship, your kindness. Thank you so much for reading this blog. I hope that it will bless you.
