The Christmas Solo

The Christmas Blessing of 2013

I hadn’t sang a solo in almost twenty years. There had been a time when I sang in front of our church at least once a month. But when I could no longer deal with the mental stress of my stupid pride, I decided that I would never sing alone again. Singing in a choir or with at least one other person was fine with me. That way my voice could just blend with the other voices and no one would be able to figure out which voice was mine. God has blessed me with a beautiful singing voice, but I was plagued by my self-talk and just couldn’t handle what my brain was saying to me whenever I sang a solo. I either got so puffed up when I did really well or crushed like a crumb when even the littlest thing went wrong.

I love to sing, always have. One of my favorite things to do is to sing praises to the Lord, especially when I am alone in my house or when driving alone in my van. That’s when I am able to let loose and belt out the feelings in my heart. There are also times when I am able to do this church when the choir is singing or on a congregational song when there is no-one in the row directly in front of me.

This ability to sing and the love for music was passed down from my mom. She was the first one to teach me about music and to lead the children’s choir at our church. She had a lovely voice and I can remember her singing from the time I was tiny. I remember when I was three years old and was at the daycare house. The “mom” had me lie down to take a nap, however, I did not want to take a nap nor did I want to stay in bed. So, she put on a record of lullabies to help me lie still. The woman singing on the record sounded just like my mom and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. It wasn’t my mom, but I pretended it was and it greatly comforted my little heart.

So, this last October while I was listening to the CD of the cantata our choir would be performing for Christmas, I heard the most beautiful solo and the Holy Spirit said to me, “You are going to sing that solo.” The Lord was so clear in what He wanted me to do, that I never even questioned it. I made an agreement with God that if no one else volunteered to do the solo, then I would know that it was truly the will of the Lord. The song was perfect for me. The range is right smack in the middle of my vocal range and “comfort zone”. And the words conveyed exactly what I wished I could say to so many people…to come back home to Jesus.

As the choir practices began in earnest for the cantata, I did not say anything to the director about wanting to do the solo. I did tell my husband and asked him to just keep it quiet. The Holy Spirit continued to speak to my heart and confirm to me that I was to do the solo and that I was to invite my family to come. It would most likely be the last time on earth that my mom would be able to hear me sing a solo. For years she had been encouraging me to use my voice for the Lord. I figured I was by singing in the choir and in the congregation. But I knew deep down that God wanted me to do more. So in January of this year, I gave control of my singing to the Lord Jesus. Within a couple of days of doing so, I was asked by a friend to do a duet with her. I agreed and we sang at the piano while she played. Another friend also asked me to sing with her, but it hasn’t happened yet.

I was getting more and more excited and scared about doing this particular solo. When the director finally asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to sing the solo, the only hand that was raised was my own. Such peace and confirmation flooded my soul, that I was able to sing it right then with the choir. After practice, several ladies came to me with tears in their eyes and complimented me on my beautiful voice and for volunteering to do the song. We had a time of crying and of prayer that my mom would be able to come to the performance and so would the rest of my family and that the song would touch the hearts of many people.

A week and a half before the big day, I knew it was time to email my relatives and invite them to come and to make it a priority because of our mom. That same evening, I got the stomach flu so bad, I thought I would end up in the hospital. It lasted for almost a week, but mercifully, the Lord healed me and gave me the strength to make it to dress rehearsal. The week before the cantata was so strange. Not only was I sick, but my sister had a tooth crack that had to be completely removed, my niece’s boyfriend had a heart-attack and had surgery, and my mom had cancer removed from her arm and had mental deterioration.

Back in September, the new oncologist for my mom informed my parents that they would not be able to do chemotherapy again. They gave my mom three to six months before she went to be with our Savior and Lord. We have watched mom decline both physically and mentally over the last three months, but she has endured gracefully. More than anything, I wanted to be able to give her a tremendous blessing for Christmas. One that I knew would reach to the very core of her being. As a high-school senior, she had been offered a full-ride scholarship for music. She had turned it down, because she had really wanted to become a nurse. All her life she has been singing in choirs and doing solos, and using her lovely voice to be a blessing to others. And now, I wanted to do the same for her.

A couple days before the “big day”, I again emailed my family and told them that I would have seats reserved for everyone near the back of the church building. When I talked with my dad, he wasn’t sure that they could be there, because mom was doing so poorly. I almost cried right then and there, but was able to save my tears for when I got home. I poured out my heart to the Lord and gave the whole situation to Him. I dedicated my singing and this song in particular to His glory. I had peace that no matter who came, I could still be a blessing to those who listened.

The morning of dress rehearsal, my nerves got the better of me and I was so sick again. I cried out to God and He delivered me and brought calmness to my soul. Practice was not so great, but my trust was in the director and even more in the Lord. It was the first time that the whole choir was able to practice my song together as I hadn’t been at practice for two weeks due to illness. The whole song could have been a disaster because there are sections where the choir sang with me or were in the background. The first time through, it sounded really bad. But by the third time, it was getting better. There was much prayer that evening for the performance the next day.

On the morning of the cantata, I was so excited I could hardly sit still. We went to Bible study, but I left early because I wanted to be in the auditorium when my family arrived. It gave me time to once again pray with a friend for God to bless the whole worship service and for my voice to not shake or squeak. My sister Mary got there first and I gave her a hug (something we haven’t done in a long time). I showed her where I had reserved seats and where the restrooms were located. Within a few minutes, I saw my parents. Dad was showing my mom that I was there and that I was her daughter and that I would be singing for her soon. I gave them both hugs and my dad told me that he had to “force” my mom out of the house. I brought them over to our seats and Mary took over. Then, my brother Dan and his wife Pam came in the church. I also gave them hugs and was glad that they could be there. They were already familiar with several of the folks in our church because my brother used to work at the lumber store that our church uses. It was so nice of those folks to come over and say hi.

The morning service began with a congregational singing of a Christmas hymn. That song reached my mom and I could see from the choir loft that she was beginning to relax. Then, the children’s church came in and did a great job reciting a Christmas poem. My family loved it. And finally, it was time for the choir to perform. What an amazing blessing God gave. The whole choir was singing the best I have ever heard. Every now and then, I took a look at my family and could tell that they loved it. As the time got closer for my solo, my hands became more and more shaky. I prayed that it wouldn’t affect my voice and it didn’t. It was more beautiful than I could have imagined. As I sang, I mostly looked at the director, but also tried to look at the crowd of people that filled the auditorium. I was singing to the Lord, but also to them. So many folks were emotionally touched. And then I looked at my family. All of them had tears in their eyes, Pam was hugging my mom’s shoulders, Mary was holding mom’s hand, and mom was trying so hard to keep it under control. The Lord had kept His promise and had used me to be a blessing to my family and to so many others. It was so wonderful!

Once I was finally able to get to my family, there were lots of hugs for my parents and tears with my mom. They left soon after as mom was so overwhelmed. She wanted to do a duet with me right then and there. It was so sweet. The rest of my family went out to lunch afterwards and I couldn’t believe how the cantata and my song had touched them. They said it was the best Christmas gift ever and loved it so much. All I can do is give all praise to God and thank Him.

Bleh

So, this picture pretty much describes how I felt this year for my birthday. Sick of my life and of my family and fellow Christians. Not very Christian that's for sure.
Someone recently mentioned that as Christians we tend to blaspheme the name of Christ every time we do things we shouldn't. We are not worthy to bear that precious name. I know I sure don't. I was especially guilty of shaming the name of Christ on my birthday.
However, a couple days later, the Lord gently convicted me of my own sins and that I didn't need to focus so much on the misdeeds of others. That if I expected others to have self discipline, then I needed to have it myself. Right then and there, I confessed my sin and thanked the Lord for His cleansing and forgiveness, and once again gave control and lordship of my mind back to the Lord of my life.
The sinful deeds of other Christians had been bothering me for so long and they greatly grieved my heart. It got to the point that I was beginning to be angry with those sinful Christians, and just plain angry in general. I had lost the joy of the Lord. I wasn't focused on Jesus. Instead, I was focused on sin. How dumb!
God has said in His Word so many times that He will take of the wicked and that He will discipline His own. I don't need to worry about it. Pray for them, yes. Love them, yes. Obey the Lord, yes.

Blessings

Too often we tend to overlook the little blessings that God gives to us. It's easy to remember to be thankful in November when we focus on Thanksgiving, but how about the other 364 days of the years?! So, today I am going to write about a little blessing that I received from the Lord.
On Monday, December 2nd, my family and I went to Bend, Oregon for a five day vacation. We love the area and thought we would be able to do more of the outdoor activities we enjoy, such as walking and sight-seeing. But the day we arrived it began to snow and it snowed and it got cold and it got colder. So, we couldn't do all the things that we had hoped to do. As a matter of fact by the forth day, we had run out of indoor things that we wanted to do and decided we might as well go back home.
So, we left Bend a day early. We had a beautiful and wonderful trip back home. The sky was clear and the Cascade mountains were out in all their glory. The Columbia river gorge was beautiful with ice covered waterfalls cascading down the rock faces.
It was good to be back home. This morning (Friday, December 6th), the news was telling about the snow and ice that had fallen from Chehalis and southward, causing several crashes on I-5. There was also news about the winter storm warnings that we going up for the eastern side of Oregon. If we had left Bend today, we have been caught in that horrible weather with wicked road conditions.
I am so thankful that God caused the weather to get so cold in Bend that we decided to come home a day early and miss all of the bad weather and awful driving. It made for a much better ending to a nice little vacation, and it made for a much better day for us today. Praise God for the little blessings.
And if you were wondering...it got down to -6 in Sunriver where we were staying, and there was a wind-chill of -25. Sunny? yes, but oh, so cold.

Thanksgiving alphabet

When I have a hard time getting to sleep, I like to take time to thank the Lord for certain things by going through the alphabet. I thought I might share what I am thankful for this year by doing the same thing in a post.
A: apples, artichokes, all my friends, aardvarks.
B: banana, berries, broccoli, babies, blue-birds, BBC, Bible.
C: cherries, carrots, church, cats, carpet.
D: dates, dates with Jerry, dogs.
E: everlasting life.
F: figs, funny things, fun times, family.
G: grapes, guava, garlic, fresh green beans, garbanzo beans turned into hummus, God.
H: horses, home, heaven.
I: ice cream, imaginations, iguanas.
J: Jesus, justice, juices, jams, Jerry.
K: kiwis, kindness, kangaroos.
L: lemonade, limeade, leeks, lettuce, lima beans, love, life-group.
M: mango, movies, mules, music.
N: nectarines, nuts.
O: oranges, October, Oregon, oak trees.
P: peaches, pears, plums, papaya, potatoes, pumpkin, pies, pesto.
Q: Quicken, quiet times.
R: rhubarb, raspberries, raisins, raccoons, reality.
S: stars, strawberries, salmonberries, steak, salvation, Seahawks
T: tomato paste, truffles, turtles, turkey.
U: umbrellas, uglifruit, underwear.
V: vanilla, vans, victory, voices, vines, villages.
W: watermelon, water chestnuts, work, working in my yard.
X: xylophones, Xerox, x-rays.
Y: yams, young adults, yellow, you.
Z: zebras, zucchini, zeal, zest.

I'm back

My beloved husband asked me yesterday when I was going to do another post on my blog. Well, I am posting this today. It will have to do for now, but I will get back on here soon and do a blog that I have been working on for over a year. Until then, just wait.

I'm still here

I know that it has been a while since I last posted. I just wish that I felt like posting more...but then life gets in the way. If it isn't my physical health, it is my mental health. If it isn't helping my parents, it is helping my husband. If it isn't going to one appointment, it will be going to another one.
I thought that when I resigned my beloved job at the school, that I would have so much more time to be able to do things like blogging. But that has not been the case at all. Which is also a good thing. Because I don't sit and around and stare at the walls thinking of something to do. (Well, okay, there have been a couple of days that that has happened, but I always found something to do.)
I guess I don't blog as much as I would like to because I just don't know what folks would like to read. So, if you have any ideas, please let me know. I have a feeling that I won't hear anything from anyone, because it has been so long since I have blogged and most people don't seem to like to take the time to read anything more than a quick posting on FB. So, if you happen to be actually reading this, I would love to hear from you. If not hear, then contact me on FB or email.
Thanks, Alice

PS. I think I might change my name to Alcie, because it seems that I always type that name when I am in a hurry.

No pain, no gain

Our preacher preached a great message this morning on God loving you so much that He punishes you. The title of this post kept going through my head. No pain, no gain. If God didn't love us, He wouldn't care about us. Therefore, since He does love His children, He does care about them, and He does punish them when they need it. So, it is also true, that if you aren't a child of God, then He wouldn't punish you. That just made me so happy to hear that again.
It was those words that got me to realize when I was 16 years old that I was not a child of God. I was a brat and got away with doing all sorts of sinful things...and I never got punished for it by either my mom nor dad, but worse, I also didn't get punished by God. I wasn't His child. I belonged to satan and God doesn't punish other folk's kids. How did I become a child of the devil? It wasn't hard. I didn't have to do anything. I was born into sin and that's where I stayed until I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Lord.
There have been many, many times that I have felt the stinging punishment of the Lord. Why? Because He loves me and knows just what I deserve. Do you think that it makes God a big meany? You are so wrong. It makes God a loving and caring Father of His children.
If I had been allowed to have all of the children that I wanted to have, I would have been so full of pride about what a great mom I was. If the one child that I do have was allowed to be "normal", I wouldn't have her with me every day (a very special blessing). If I had been allowed to make a career of being a para-educator, I would not be able to serve the Lord and others like I can. If I had been allowed to have perfect health and never had to deal with fibromyalgia nor athritis nor mental illness, I would be so full of my self that I would choke. I wouldn't have any empathy nor sympathy for anyone.
I have to admit that when I went through God's "spanking machine" I hated it. I thought that God was punishing me for some wicked thing that I had done. I believed that God hated me and wanted to remove all joy from my life. I thought He wanted to ruin me. I was mad and there were times when I yelled at the LORD. However, I needed to be reminded today that God punishes me because He loves me and cares so much about me. He knows all about me from before I was conceived to all eternity. As I look back on the last thirty years, I can see His love and care in every situation. He has changed me and made me into a woman that I never could have imaged that I could become.
The truth and the blessing are the fact that there is no gain in the life of a christian without going through the pain.

PS, Please don't misunderstand. There are times and I believe that many of the time, the pain that we endure is caused my our own actions. You know the old saying, "If you play with fire, you will get burned." And one of my mom's favorites, "If you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas."
Don't think that God punished you when you did it to yourself. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the extra pain I am experiencing in my knees is my fault because I have been overeating again. That pain is my doing and if I don't lose some weight, I will have to bear the consequences.
So, if I was you, the first thing I would do is to take inventory and find out if your pain is coming from punishment from God or is it of your own doing. If it is of God, then rejoice that He loves you and cares so much about you. If it is of yourself, then take steps to make things right. If you aren't receiving any punishment of the Lord, then you need to right now pray and ask the Lord Jesus Christ to be your saviour and to cleanse you of your sins. God bless!

Rainbow ramblings

I just felt like doing something different in this post. I don't know why I chose gray as the background color, especially since I hate the color gray. I chose a dark red color for the type and guess I thought it would look good against a gray background.
So, now I have decided to do a different color scheme. This one reminds me of spring-time and sunshine and new life and Easter...which is coming really soon. I love this time of year and I love yellow. It is my favorite color.
Okay, let's see how this one looks. This is maroon with pink. I also love dark pink, not hot pink, just a deep pink. Whenever I wear pink I think I look healthier. It is one of those colors that just looks good on me. Yes, I am a girly girl and love girly girl colors.
I had a massage this afternoon and my therapist and I were talking about how much we enjoyed ourselves on our separate vacations to Arizona. She was talking about how blue the sky is down there and I was remembering the blue of the Arizona sky when I picked this color scheme. I wish I was back in AZ sitting by the pool and looking up into that blue, blue sky. Paradise.
I didn't think the color scheme would change, but it did. Another season that I love is Autumn. I love the deep earth tones that Fall represents. Dark reds, shades of orange, browns, yellows, and deep green. The only bad thing about Autumn is that is signals the coming of colder and wetter weather especially here in western Washington.
Let's get back to Easter time colors. They are the happiest of colors to me. Easter represents new life and overwhelming love...from God to all of us. Easter, the Resurrection Day. Jesus Christ died on the cross, shedding his blood and giving his life to pay for our sins. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That whosoever believes in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life. Easter Sunday, way back in 1976, was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Lord. Will you accept Him this Easter?
I hope you have enjoyed my rainbow blog. God loves you and there is nothing that can ever change that fact. Do you love him? Do you seek to please him? Jesus said that if we love him, we will keep his commandments. His commandments: to love the Lord our God with all our heart and our neighbor as ourself.

"Homework"

My darling daughter told me again today that I hadn't posted on my blog in a looooong time. She's right. I just haven't felt like it, or I have been too busy, or too tired because I had been too busy. But now that the house is almost completely back to normal, and because I am on a guilt trip, I will post on my blog.
We went to Arizon for a month and loved it. I truly did not want to come home. And then I had a really hard time once we did come home because all I wanted to do was to go back to the warm sunshine of Arizona. So, instead of going back, we got busy doing house work. We pulled up all the rugs and carpets. I had so much fun pulling out staples from the floor. We painted the three bedrooms, the family room, the kitchen, the hallway, and one wall in the dining room. We would have painted the living room and the rest of the dining room, but we were just sick and tired of it. (The main bathroom will still need to be done during the summer.) Because of all the work we did to the house, we basically moved everything into the garage for six weeks. It was kind of nice to have an empty house. Made it much easier to clean.
Once we got the painting done, we had the new carpet installed. (We love it.) We decided that it was also time for new trim in the bedrooms since the old stuff had been there since the house was built in 1979. So, we got the wood and stained and varnished it ourselves. That was fun. I love working with real wood.
We cleaned everywhere and everything. And then it was time to bring the junk back in the house. I have gone through and am getting rid of so much stuff. But there still seems to be a ton of junk. Oh well, I thank God for all of it. He is the One who allowed to earn the money in the first place so that we could purchase what we own.
What is the Truth and Blessing? Well, first off, I have a wonderful husband and daughter. They did so much to help me around here. Second, that everything we have comes from and belongs to God. Thirdly, this world is not my home. Even though I love so much that is here on earth, it is nothing compared to the love that I have for the Lord and the home He is preparing for me. Can't wait to get there...in time.