Thursday, August 26, 2010

Enjoy Today

I thought that I would share another entry from one of my journals. This one come from January 1, 2004. (Hard to believe it was more than six years ago.)
"I read a very encouraging book last week titled, "I'm not Suffering From Insanity...I'm Enjoying Every Minute", By Karen Scalf Linamen. She write about the fact that the only time we have is the present and that we should savor it and live it, experience it and enjoy it. Too often we feel guilt ridden over the past and are too concerned about the much so, that we don't realize how blessed we are right now. I am going to try to do more "living" in the present this year."
I'm sorry to say, but I don't remember if I did more "living" or not in 2004. But I do know that I haven't been "living" lately. It has been overwhelming to just survive sometimes. The last couple of weeks have been full of stress. The stressful situations are still present, but I am so glad that they don't have to overwhelm me. They only do when I allow them to do so. I'm so blessed right now, this very minute. And I am going to enjoy it! God has given me eyes to behold, ears to hear, a mind to understand, and most of all...I have Him in my life.

Friday, August 20, 2010


I love my family. It is a blessing to still have my parents around. However, no longer is my mother the woman that I once knew. She has had dementia for several years. It has slowly, but surely eroded a woman who held such power in my mind.
This last week she called and asked us to come over and straighten out something. I knew that it had to be some sort of arguement that she was having with my dad. But it was worse, much worse. She was in tears telling us that Daddy would not let her stay home alone by herself. She couldn't believe that there was anything wrong with her. It was as if her mind had taken her back to thirty years ago. It took a call to my sister, my dad going to his appointment, and Jerry and I talking to her to get her to calm down. It was very stressful. This was the first time that she could not remember that she had dementia. Usually, she wants to always share with everyone that she has "three boyfriends": Luke Kemia, Art Ritis, and Al Himer (which is really D. Mentia). But not that day. She thought that all of us were in a conspiracy against her. That none of us had ever talked to her about this before. She was positive that it was my dad who had the problems and not herself.
It was nice once she finally calmed down. But, she never did return to the state where I had last scene her. She mentioned several times that it was nice to finally know what was wrong with her. Wow!
Since I have fibromyalgia and take medication, it is very hard for me when I get stressed out. And I have to say, this really stressed me out. For the next 24 hours, I was dead to the world. I am glad that we were able to go over and keep an eye on her while my dad went to his appointment. This is the blessing. The truth? That God knows all and that we can trust Him to do what is best.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Do Good

Oh how I can relate to Paul and his words in Romans 7:19, "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." The apostle Paul was in a fix. He wanted to do good, but instead did that which was evil. As a christian, we struggle with the same dilema. At least I sure do. Or should I say, I sure am. I am struggling to do good, when in my mind, I want to do evil.
Long, long ago, in a land not very far away, I was abused as a child. Anger and hatred began to grow and grow in the furtile soil of my heart. By the time I became a young adult, I was full of the weeds and briars of consuming bitterness. I despised almost everyone in my life. Men most of all. I had a barrier of protection around me that I wouldn't allow anyone to enter. It was my place of safety. It was a miserable location for my soul to reside. All within was darkness and pain. But then the Holy Spirit began to do an amazing work of weeding. I was convicted of my own sin and graciously set free. Not just free, but free indeed. Completely set free. (If you want to know more about this, contact me.)
So, for the last couple of decades, I have been able to live in the light and freedom of God's grace. However, recently, the ugliness of anger has entered my mind. I learned of a woman who lived with a man and his girlfriend. This woman knew that the man had been previously convicted of child molestation. And yet, she brought her own young daughter into this house to live with her and this couple. Yes, you already know what happened, don't you? This man is now sitting jail, accused of molesting this precious child.
That story made me so angry at these adults. How dare they expose an innocent life to such evil. An evil that will stay with her for the rest of her life. (I know because it happened to me.) But....the story doesn't end there. This woman who lived with this couple is now pregnant with this creep's child. And the three adults in this story, are all supposed christians.
Now, do you see why I am so angry?!
What is the truth and blessing in this story? (Can you believe that there actually is one? Well, there is.) It is how this applies to my soul. It would be so easy for me to give myself completely over to anger and hatred, but that isn't who I am anymore. The Holy Spirit reminds me that I am to do good. There are few places in the Bible where it states specifically on what is sinful. You can usually figure it out by how God responds to what is being done or not done. And by what the Bible says that we should and should not do. But there is one place where it is very clear to each and every christian. This verse is very personal. James 4:17, "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." So, I realize that I am to do good, no matter how I feel. And if I don't, then it is sin to me. It doesn't matter the sins that these other people have done, it matters that I don't sin myself by allowing evil to rule and reign in my soul. So, I chose to do good.
What does it mean for me to do good? I think John 15:17 says it very clearly. Jesus commands," These things I command you, that ye love one another." That means that I am to love those who sin as well as those who are righteous. It does not mean that I condone what the sinners do. Just that I am to allow God to love them through me...because like Paul, I cannot do that which is good. God must do it through me.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Blessing From Television

I never thought that I would receive a spiritual blessing from the television, but that is just what happened Wednesday evening. The last two days have been very rough for me. I over did it in the yard and then was feeling sorry for myself. It was frustrating and discouraging. I am ashamed to say that I was on a mega-pity-party. It seemed that the Lord had left me to flounder on my own and there was no comfort from the Holy Spirit nor the Word of God. It was awful!
All I had longed to do this week was to be able to attend every service at our church's annual Jubilee. Sunday and Monday had been such a blessing. But then Tuesday came along and it was horrid. Wednesday was full of tears and pleading with God for His grace. Never did I think it would come the way that it did.
Religious channels are not something that I watch. However, there wasn't much on the other television channels and I just felt that I should watch something "good" to get my mind off of myself. Since I couldn't make it to the Jubilee service, I decided one of the christian shows should be good. The show was hosted by a man named Andrew Wommac. He was telling a story about his youth. He was in college, but believed that God wanted him to quit. Almost everyone told him that this thought was of the devil and could never be from God. Only two of his closest friends told him to do what he believed God wanted him to do. Unlike Reheboam (see I Kings 12), he did not listen to the advice of his friends. He stayed in college, but never had any peace about it until God showed him this verse, Colossians 3:15, "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful." (And this television guy actually quoted the King James Version.) He went on to talk about letting (allowing) the peace of God rule (have control) in our hearts (and minds). I was in tears and the realization broke upon my mind. This verse was for me. I had not LET (ALLOWED) the peace of God to RULE my heart.
Oh such peace flooded my soul when I let God come on in. My problems had been all my own fault. It wasn't God who wasn't at work in my life, it was my sin that was blocking the way. It is amazing that we limit the Lord. He is so much more than we could ever understand and I am so thankful for His Word that spoke to me last night...even if it was through the television.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

New Med

Well, since I last wrote, I have changed my blood pressure medication. I just couldn't take the dizziness anymore. So, the doctor put me on Benicar for a couple of weeks to see how I do. It has been almost a week and things seem to be going much better. I haven't been able to check the blood pressure level since the machine is "out of order" at Fred Meyer. However, the BP must be fine since I don't get the heat flushes when I work out. As a matter of fact, I was able to take an eight mile bike ride the other day and loved it. Sure I was exhausted that evening, but I didn't have a "fatigue attack" like I would have had. It is so nice to be able to do things that I haven't been able to do in almost three years. And to not need to sleep for the next 24 hours.
Another blessing that is happening in my family is that all three of us are losing weight. The "heart attack" scared me so much (and I think Jerry also), that all three of us have changed our eating habits for the good. This isn't a weight loss program, this is an eat correctly lifestyle that we have chosen.
Sometimes, God has to take some "drastic" measures to get our full attention, to get us to repent, and to get us to turn from our sinful ways. I am so glad that he loves us so much. What a truth and what a blessing