Sunday, June 18, 2017

Psalms 112, “The Virtuous Man”, My Jerry
  June 2017 by Alice Jensen

A virtuous or righteous man, who can find one? I have! A few weeks ago as I once again read Psalms 112, I was amazed to realize that the chapter could be written about my husband. Every verse applies to my Jerry!

1, “Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments.”
  After dating several men in a matter of a couple of years, I was pretty burned out on the     whole idea of dating. I knew that I wanted a husband, but I finally realized that I also needed him to be a Godly man that loved God above all else. God assured me that He already had one picked out just for me. Little did I know that it would be my Jerry! After a few dates, I told Jerry that one of the requirements to continue dating me was that he already had to be reading his Bible faithfully. I already saw the evidence that Jerry served the Lord and was faithful to God and His church. Jerry assured me that he read his Bible every day, and to this very day that is still true. Jerry fears the LORD and delights greatly in His Word and is obedient to it.

2, “His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed.”
When Jerry and I began to plan for our future, we had hoped to have six children. I so wanted to give him a son to carry on the Jensen name, but God had other plans for us. He did allow us to have six pregnancies, but He also allowed us to lose five of them. One was a set of twins. However, God also blessed us with one pregnancy that went to birth. Our Rebekah is our one and only “seed”. But she has been a mighty good influence in our lives. She is a blessing to so many people, in spite of her autism. She is a mighty blessed woman, and Jerry has done a great job of raising her to love and serve the Lord.

3, “Wealth and riches shall be in his house: and his righteousness endureth for ever.” There was a time, when our finances were so tight, you could hear them scream. But from a young age I had been taught to tithe and to give God the first part of all our increase. I do have to admit that there was once that we just were not able to do so, but we made it up later. Jerry has always done his best to provide for his little family and to please the Lord while working.  And God blessed Jerry with better and better jobs, until He gave Jerry the career as a law enforcement officer. For thirty-seven years Jerry protected and served the people of Port Orchard. Because of our tithing and because of that job, God has given to us wealth and riches and a wonderful house that we can use to serve the Lord and be a ministry to others. Jerry is known as a righteous man because of the life he lives and God has blessed him.

4, “Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness: he is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.”
Jerry never realized what was in store for him when he got married to me. We would go through great depths of sorrow and horrible heights of mental illness. Yet, Jerry stayed an upright man and God has blessed him with light in the darkness. Jerry is full of compassion and understanding when Bekah or I go through times of struggle. He stays gracious and righteous, and God delivers us time after time. One of the darkest periods of our lives was when our daughter became psychotic and self-destructive. Jerry kept things as peaceful as he could within our little family. Several times he would have to take her for rides to get her mind onto other things and to give me a break.

5, “A good man sheweth favour, and lendeth: he will guide his affairs with discretion.” There is no man with more of a servant’s heart than my Jerry. He is willing to help anyone and everyone any time all the time. He not only lends, he has a very giving spirit and has given large sums of money when we are guided to do so by the Holy Spirit. And together we try to be the best stewards of God’s resources. Jerry is discrete and has never been a gossip or backbiter. As a patrol-officer there were many cases that he keep to himself and could not share with others outside of the office. He has done a great job of knowing when and when not to share his experiences.

6, “Surely he shall not be moved for ever: the righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance.”
 I know this doesn’t mean that he won’t move from one house to another. But I also know that Jerry would be satisfied to live in one place for the rest of his life, and I am also sure that he will be happy to live wherever God moves him. This verse means that a righteous man will stay a righteous man because of the choices that he makes. And those who know him will know that he will stay a righteous man. It is too bad and too sad that there are not more men that this can be said about, but without a doubt it can be said about my Jerry. From the day I first met Jerry almost 39 years ago, he has been a righteous man that is faithful and loyal to the Lord and to the Bible.

7, “He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.”
Jerry was the epitome of a police officer. For 37 years he protected and served the city of Port Orchard. Never did he get fearful of his job and what he could potentially face in the line of duty. He was always professional and calm. He treated everyone fairly and kept his cool. He was level-headed and able to quickly assess and address each situation as it arose. At first when he became a police officer, I was extremely afraid that he would be hurt or killed. However, as I saw how well Jerry did his job and as I trusted in the Lord, I became less fearful. The fear never totally left until the day he retired, I knew that Jerry would do his best to not get hurt nor allow anyone else to be hurt. God has taken great care of Jerry.

8, “His heart is established, he shall not be afraid, until he see his desire upon his enemies.”
I don’t think that Jerry ever had any enemies, but I am sure that there were those who did not like the job that Jerry did as a police officer, and there were those who didn’t like him for doing his job. But Jerry trusted in the Lord and knew that no matter what happened it could only be done according to the will of God. Jerry’s heart is established to trust in God and in His Word.

9, “He hath dispersed, he hath given to the poor; his righteousness endureth for ever; his horn shall be exalted with honour.”
Jerry is a very giving man. I remember hearing a story from a former neighbor from when Jerry was a young teenager. She told how that Jerry had found a garden hose in someone’s trash. It was still in good condition and just needed a cleaning. He did so and then gave it to the neighbor who needed a second garden hose. Whenever we hear of a true need, we are some of the first to respond. Jerry gives of his time, talents, and treasures, and has always done it with a grateful heart to the Lord who made it possible to give in the first place. Again, I cannot emphasize enough what a righteous man Jerry is and has been. His righteousness truly does endure for ever.

10, “The wicked shall see it, and be grieved; he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away: the desire of the wicked shall perish.”
I don’t know how to apply this to Jerry other than to say that many of the criminals he has arrested have also faced the punishment for their crimes. My prayer is that Jerry will always be remembered by the wicked and by the righteous as a man who loved and faithfully served the Lord. When Jerry first started as an officer, he was accused by an angry man who had received a ticket from Jerry, that Jerry had been rude and angry and cursing when he had confronted the man. The sergeant who took the report told that man he had the wrong officer because Jerry Jensen was the calmest and most level tempered officer on the force; and that no-one had ever known Jerry to get angry at anyone, nor had anyone ever heard Jerry use curse words. The man had to leave in shame because of his own wickedness. Instead of getting a reprimand for doing wrong, Jerry was commended for doing right.

To say that I am proud of my husband would be like saying the ocean is wet. Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am proud of my husband. I believe he is the most righteous man in the world! And I am so blessed to be his wife and to have him in my life.

Friday, June 2, 2017

     When I say, "The Virtuous Woman", what is the first chapter in the Bible you think of? Proverbs 31, of course. But what if I was to say, "The Virtuous Man", what would you answer? I had never thought about this before, even though I have read through the Bible at least thirty times. A virtuous man, hmm. What chapter exemplifies a virtuous man? Wellllll, a few days ago, I once again read Psalms 112, when all of the sudden I realized that this chapter could be written about my husband, a virtuous man indeed.
    As I read through each verse, I noticed how it applied to my Jerry. I hope the same can be said about your man. If you are not yet married, and it doesn't seem that your guy matches what is written in God's Word, and probably never will, it is time for you to dump your man. Sorry, but it is a fact that if you truly do want to live "happily ever after", you need to first marry a man that is a virtuous man. Oh, and if you don't think they exist anymore, think again. They do. They may not be located where you are looking, but God knows and He can put the two of you together. I have seen Him do that many times and yes, I have even seen Him do it recently.
     For those of you who are married, but not to the most virtuous man, well, you need to stay married and you need to be as virtuous as you are able. The Bible says that the man can be won through the righteous behavior of the wife. (see I Peter 3.) And if he never notices you, God still does, and He will bless you for your obedience and faithfulness.
     You can read how God brought Jerry and I together in one of my earlier blogs. But I never knew how blessed I was to be married to my Jerry until I realized that he is a very virtuous and righteous man according to Psalms 112. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be his wife.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

     A few months ago, during Mission's Conference at our church, one of the missionaries commented that he is very, very careful about what he sings, prays, and says, for fear that he may be speaking without realizing what he was saying and that God may just require more of him than he is prepared to give. Immediately I thought of a post that I wrote several years ago about a song that I heard when Jerry and I were newly married and how I loved the words of the song and even sang it until God did require me to give up more than I was prepared to give. Then I thought of how God has used all of those "losses" to allow me to have more than I ever thought I could possess.
     That song was titled, "For Whatever it Takes to Draw Closer to you Lord", and it talks about trading sunshine for rain, comfort for pain, etc. I just thought it was such a beautiful song. But once I began to lose my babies and my health, I hated that song. For many years I would not listen to it and put it far from my brain. Then about seven years ago our Pastor and his daughter sang it at our church. As soon as I heard the first few notes I headed to bathroom because the tear spigot was turning to full blast. I sat on the toilet and just cried, as the Holy Spirit comforted me. Was I now willing to sing that song in truth? It took an act of faith for me to fully surrender my health to the One who created me. Once I let go and let God be the Lord of my physical body, I had such peace and could truly say, "For whatever it takes to be closer to you, Lord, that's what I am willing to do."
     How I wish that I could say that ever since that day I have been able to praise and thank the Lord for the physical trials I continue to face. But there are still times when I complain and cry and just get weary. How I wish that I could also say that the Lord fully healed my body. Instead, He continues to allow me to suffer. But in that suffering, I am learning and I am changing my thoughts and I am beginning to understand the pain of others. The two phrases that get me through the hardest times are: "It could always be worse", and "This is only temporary."
     I pray for that missionary. I pray that he will be able to trust God. I pray that when he does go through the trials and pains of life, that he will grow in his faith. I know that I am a different woman than I ever imagined I would be because of all that I have had to endure, and I thank God for it. I pray that this missionary will become the man that God wants him to be.
     Several years ago, I heard the analogy of Christians being like diamonds. They do not become items of beauty until they have had all the rough parts removed with chisel and hammer. In the hands of a skilled craftsman, they become jewels of great value.
     You are the second wife of a man who seems to love you dearly. No, his first wife did not leave him, nor is she even dead. No, you are the second wife of a man who already has one wife. He says that his love for you is greater than the love you would have for your children. You accept what he says, but you long to know that love for children yourself. For some reason you are not able to produce any children while the first wife continues to have them year after year. She in her pride makes fun of you every chance she gets for she knows that her husband loves you more than he loves her. But she is the one who has produced the heir and she is oh so proud of it.
     Your husband is a man who fears and obeys the LORD and is even of the family of the high priest, though not closely related. Still your husband is a good man who regularly takes his family to the tabernacle to worship the God of your faith. Every year, the whole family makes the trek for the special occasions that are required for every man to make.
     This year, you are so desperate for a child that you decide that you will earnestly pray and make a promise to God that if He will give you a son, you will dedicate this son to God. As you pray, you are in bitterness of soul and tears flow from your eyes. Your lips move while you pray, but no words are heard. Without your knowledge, the high priest sees what you are doing and instead of comforting and encouraging you, he condemns you for being drunk. He is very familiar with how drunkards appear because his own sons are wicked, guilty, and truly evil young men. You speak to the high priest and set him straight about your actions. Now you are committed to keep your promise for not only does God know your vow, but so does the high priest.
     A few months later, you realize that you are feeling strange and hope that what you doubt may actually be true. Can it be, that after all these years, and after all the loving, you are finally pregnant? Once it is confirmed, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has heard and answered your prayers. At last a longed for son is born from your body and placed in your arms.
     As you look into his trusting eyes, you begin to think about this child being placed in the care of the high priest. How can you do such a thing? It is the same high priest who accused you of drunkenness. It is the same high priest who does nothing to control or correct his wicked sons. It is the same high priest whose sons work in the tabernacle where you will place your precious son. How can you even think that your son will not turn out just like them? How can you not worry about his future? How can you keep this vow to God Almighty? And that is when you remember that He is God Almighty and that you can trust Him. He is the one who heard and answered your prayer for this baby boy who now lays in your arms. Instead of looking at the wickedness within the tabernacle, you keep your focus on God. You trust God! And God greatly blesses you for your faith.
     This is the story of Hannah that you can read in I Samuel 1-2. She demonstrated great faith which we women of today can learn to emulate. She trusted God, and God blessed her. This same God is our God if we receive His Son, Jesus Christ, as our Saviour. We too can trust God. We can trust God with our children, with our selves, with our everything, and He will bless us for it. We don't need to fear the future nor the present nor the evil that surrounds us. Instead, we just need to trust God.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Daddy's Girl
I have always been a "daddy's girl", even when I hated and despised my dad for what he did to me and to our family. (That bitterness and anger was taken care of a long time ago and you can read about it in one of my earlier postings.)
One of the earliest photos I have is of me in the arms of my father. He was a big and strong man who was also meek and quiet. I would love to sit next to him at church and trace the tattoos on his arms with my little fingers. When I tired of doing that, he would allow me to cuddle up next to his side under those same strong arms. There I would be at peace while I listened to the preaching.
I can only remember one time when my dad "disciplined" me and it came as a total shock. I won't go into details. Suffice to say, it worked! There was another time when he was suppose to spank me when I was around nine years old and had been a super brat and mouthed off to my mom. Mom demanded that Dad take care of the situation. Having never been punished by my dad, I was a bit scared and did not know what to expect. He took me to my room and sat with me on the bed. He told me that he hated physical punishment and would never spank me. But to appease my mom, we had to pretend. So, instead of swatting my behind, my dad "spanked" the bed while I stood up and "cried". (I think that is when I learned to love acting and found I was really good at fake crying.) Now that Mom is in heaven, this is the first time she has probably learned about this story of my dad and I.
My dad is now 91 years old and is in failing health. I know it won't be long until he joins his bride of 69 years. I guess that is why I am thinking so much about him today.
He had his flaws and wasn't the best dad, but he was loyal and faithful. He was also stubborn and proud. I remember one time having an argument with him about something that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he stuck to his belief and would not be swayed. The very next day when I had proof in hand that he had been wrong, he denied that he had ever held the opposing belief. All I could do was shut my mouth, shake my head, and walk away.
My dad taught me to be independent by allowing me to make mistakes and learn from them. He taught me to be strong in my beliefs. He taught me to love math and to be able to apply it to every day life. He showed me how to be patient and to endure strife...and to keep your mouth shut when necessary. He taught me faithfulness to God, church, family, nation, and community. He taught me how to drive a stick-shift and had me help him rebuild the engine on my car when "someone" (not me) drove it without my permission and without oil and caused the engine to freeze up. I will never forget putting the rings on the pistons and trying to get the whole thing back into the cylinder.
My dad was in WWII and has only recently shared his memories of that time. He was on an LST that took part in D-Day, the invasion of southern France, and north Africa. The Navy then transferred him to an LSM that took him to Japan for the invasion. He was in Tokyo Bay for the signing of surrender, then stayed behind to help with the clean-up. I know that he still has memories buried deep down inside that he won't remember and will never share. That's okay! I am proud of my dad.
It is hard to see my dad as he slowly declines. I remember the first time I hugged him after he had his heart attack and bypass surgery. No longer did I feel the strong shoulder muscles that always assured me that Daddy would protect me. Over the years those muscles, as well as all the others, have gotten weaker and smaller and his stature has shrunk to my height. At this point, he can no longer stand on his own nor take care of himself. About all he likes to do anymore is sleep for hours on end. But inside, he is still my strong and loving dad. And even though some of the memories still hurt, I will cherish the life I had with my daddy.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

It has been a long time since I did any blogging. Lately, I have been praying for God to show me how He wants to use me since I can no longer do most of the things I used to do. Teaching Sunday School, leading Ladies' ministries, Nursery worker, Kitchen leader, Life Group Co-coach, Church cleaning and yard work, Drama leader, Prayer partner...all those things had to be laid aside when the Lord allowed me to have fibromyalgia. I knew that I could always pray, which I do always, but I also knew that I could do more. My heart's desire is to serve the Lord every minute of every hour of every day.
Recently, the Holy Spirit has been gently speaking to me that I could get back to blogging. So, here I am, and Lord willing, He will use me to be a blessing to you. My prayer is that those who read my blogs will increase in number and in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. May God use this site for His glory and your good.
So, for this blog I would like to share with you a dream that I had a couple of days ago.
In my dream I was a warrior general, like John of Arc, who was leading my city army into a battle to defend our city from the coming enemy. The location was somewhere in Israel at a city of only three thousand and the setting was around 2500 years ago. We had heard from reliable sources that a huge army was coming to take our city because we would be an easy target and because they hated our good and godly reputation.
My army and I were clad in our tunics, cloaks, and coats. Our only weapons were our tools of farming and shepherding. But we loved and served the Lord God and knew that whatever happened He was on our side.
Our troops numbering less than a thousand were stationed all around the small city wall, prepared to defend unto our death. As we stood in the morning sun, the enemy army approached. They were covered in black armor from head to toe and were mounted on black horses of war. Spears and swords glittered in the morning light. Fear touched our brains, but I yelled words of encouragement.
The army responded with their own yelling of "Charge" as they came rushing towards us. However, as they reached us, they fell from their horses and begged for mercy. Their spears and swords were only made of plastic and their horses were inflated pool toys.
As the enemy lay quivering they pleaded for us to just let them into the city where they could get food and drink and rest. They promised that they would leave within a week or two or a month. At first I looked upon them with pity as my troops wondered what we should do. It was then I remembered how Satan comes like a roaring lion, but also as a subtle serpent. With firm resolve, I commanded our army to dispense of the enemy at once and not allow even one of them to step one foot within the city gates.
Sometimes the enemy attacks quickly and strongly, and it overwhelms us. But much of the time Satan comes as an angel of light and we welcome him into our life. We must be on our guard at all times and always seek the advice of God and His Word.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

By Alice Jensen, Feb. 2015 
WARNING: This blog contains information that you may not wish to read nor wish to have others read. I believe that this story needs to be told and pray that it will be an encouragement to others who have gone through the same experience or care for someone who has. You may comment, but no negativity, please. You do not know how emotionally hard it has been for me to finally write this story.

Introduction: During the month of January 2015 the Lord allowed my husband and I to watch a certain television show that dealt with rape, specifically "date-rape". My husband and I got to talking afterwards because I was wondering if there is some ministry that I could do for other women who have been raped. A ministry of the Lord. My beloved husband very pointedly told me that I wasn't ready because I had never faced my past yet. I still blamed myself for what had happened to me. My husband very clearly assured me that none of it was my fault. NONE of it! and that I had to come to a realization and acceptance of that fact before I could help anyone else. That is when I decided to write this with the grace and help of the Lord.

"An Admission of Truth"

When I was seventeen years old, I was working at the place that my mom managed. She and I were the only ones that worked there and I usually closed the business by myself in the early evenings. When my parents went on vacation, I was left in charge. I think it was during that time that the city fire inspector came to do his inspection of the building where we were located. The young man came into our business to check our fire extinguishers and we got to talking. He was cute and very friendly. I was young and looking for a boyfriend. So, I decided to flirt a little with him. It didn’t take long for him to take the hint and he invited me out on a date that Friday after I got done with work. It didn’t take long for me to agree.

Those who know my past know that I had been sexually assaulted several times as a child and as a teen. I had been raised to believe that “love” between male and female, meant sexual favors. Even though I was now a Christian, I still didn’t understand how to behave with the opposite sex. I wanted it to be romance and friendship and being together. I truly did not want it to be just sexual pleasures for the man. But I didn’t know how to find that kind of true love and by that time in my life, I was just looking for a man to marry me, to cherish me, and to get me away from my parents.

Our date went fairly well, but right away I felt scared because he told me that he was not a Christian and didn’t care to hear about religion. He ordered wine with the dinner and I told him that not only was I too young to have alcohol, but that I didn’t like it at all. My grandfather and my favorite aunt had both died alcoholics. I couldn’t see any good that came from drinking it. He didn’t care about what I thought and basically called me a baby. I should have walked away right then and there, but he became my “challenge to convert” instead.

After dinner, he took me to a house that belonged to a friend of his. I thought the friend would be there and we would end up visiting with him. But no, that wasn’t why this guy wanted to get me there. He had sex on his mind. I was so foolish and decided that I would stay and we would just engage in a little kissing. I thought I was strong enough to stop him if he tried to go too far. He got a bit friskier than I had wanted, And I firmly told him to stop and he was "kind" enough to stop and take me home.

I don’t remember any more “real” dates other than him visiting at my house and me visiting at his apartment a couple of times. I kept trying to get him to come to church with me and he kept trying to get me to go to bed with him. He said that he would come to church if I first had sex with him. I refused and he told me that we could never go any further in our relationship unless he could “test-drive the car”. I was really offended by that, but also really stupid to keep him even as a friend.

The last time I went to visit him; I decided to go with my Bible marked with passages for him to read. I hoped that if I “accidentally” left it in the living room on the end table under my sweater, that he just might be enticed to pick up my Bible and read it. I was such a na├»ve fool. I was a young woman, a baby Christian, and one desperate girl who just wanted to be loved for who she was.

A few days later, this guy called and told me to come over and get my stinking Bible and sweater. It was a Wednesday night and I had just returned from prayer meeting at my church. I was so sad to hear him call my Bible stinking. I knew it meant that I had failed. I began to accept the fact that I could no longer have contact with this guy after I retrieved my items.

It was about 9:30pm when I showed up at his apartment. The man opened the door wearing a big, fluffy bathrobe and appeared to be getting ready to go to sleep. I was just going to get my items and get out with the knowledge that this relationship was over. He told me to come in and pick up the stuff myself because he didn’t even want to touch my Bible. (I should have known that the guy was a demon in the flesh who couldn't stand the Word of God!) I went into the living room and picked up my Bible from the same place where I had left it. He was angry that I had tried to get him to look at my Bible. It scared me and I could feel my heart beginning to beat faster. I looked around for my sweater, but it was nowhere to be seen. The guy told me that he had put it in his bedroom, but that I would have to go get it myself because he didn't want to even touch that. I did not want to go in there, but he would not let me leave. He was so convincing that he would not bring my sweater out and I had to go get it from his room. How I wish I had just left it there and gone home, but it was my favorite sweater.

The adrenaline was flowing from apprehension, but I reasoned that I had been pure in my motives and that I could get the sweater quickly enough that I would be safe from this guy. So, I tried to make light talk as I entered the bedroom. I had never been in there, let alone ever even looked in the room before. I had no idea where to find my sweater. When I finally saw it on the night stand (which was located on the far side of the tiny room), my heart began to beat really fast in fear. As my heart raced, my voice got higher and faster. I just tried to get him to realize that I cared about his soul and wanted him to accept Christ as his savior. He stood there mutely and angrily glaring at me.

I don’t know how fast it happened, but with my back to the guy, I reached for my sweater and from the corner of my eye I could see him drop his bathrobe to the floor. He was completely naked when he rushed up behind me, pushed me to the bed, and ripped off my panties. He was so strong and had my shoulders pinned to the bed with his arms and my legs pinned down with his. He then shoved his knee between my legs and fiercely told me to "let him in". I cried and screamed and begged him to stop. He said this was happening whether I liked it or not and he shoved his other knee between my legs. I began to scratch his back. I dug in my nails . I know I scratched him deep enough to draw blood and so did he. He then threatened to kill me and put his forearm across my throat and angrily told me to shut up and let him finish. I was so scared I obeyed and tears streamed down my face onto his pillow soaking it. I could not believe that I was being raped and losing my virginity in such a horrible way. I fully blamed myself for being so stupid.

When he was done, he told me to clean up. While I was in the bathroom he asked me if I had the venereal disease “crabs” because one of his friends thinks he got them from his toilet. I was so mad at him for what he had done and what he had said that by the time that I left the bathroom, I went to the front room and shoved him as hard as I could and ran out the front door. I ran all the way home crying my eyes out. It was late by the time I got home to my parent’s house, so I hid out in the basement “rec-room” for the rest of the night. I didn't want either of my parents to see me, let alone question me about my crying. I blamed myself for the rape, I never told anyone about it until I was married. I hated the man who did this to me and became very bitter about the whole thing. The hatred became so strong in my heart that I decided to hate all men and trust no one.

In 1990, the Lord got ahold of my heart and mind. The Holy Spirit convicted me of my sins of anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and hatred. I was finally able to understand me sinful part and to forgive those who had hurt me sexually. However, I still had a very hard time admitting that I wasn’t responsible for the rape. I believed that if I had never even flirted with this unsaved man or had never been alone with him or hadn't gone to his apartment or hadn't even let him touch me in the first place, then he wouldn't have raped me. It wasn’t until I was married that I could even admit that it was a rape. My precious husband has helped me to realize that I was victim of rape and that none of it was my fault…and this is a fact that I had not accepted until this very day, January 9, 2015.

I wrote this testimony after Jerry and I had watched a couple of television shows that had featured rape in them. It made me begin to think about the rape that had happened to me so long ago. I never got the counseling that I needed. Jerry still thinks that I might need some, but I don’t. I just really don’t want to rehash an incident that old. I am hoping that it has turned from trash into a treasure, from compost into mulch, from bad into good. I have forgiven the guy who did this to me and I don’t even remember his name. I just want to be able to use my rape to be a blessing to others who have gone through the same horribleness. If there is one absolute truth that I wish to share, it is that the one who did the rape is totally to blame for it and the one who was raped is not to blame in any way. Another truth I would share: God loves you so much and the terrible things that happen in this life are because man chooses to sin, and that God can give you absolute healing and victory over every trial. If you wish, please pray for me that I would be used of the Lord to be a blessing to others who have been raped especially to Christian women. Thank you!