For Whatever it Takes

     A few months ago, during Mission's Conference at our church, one of the missionaries commented that he is very, very careful about what he sings, prays, and says, for fear that he may be speaking without realizing what he was saying and that God may just require more of him than he is prepared to give. Immediately I thought of a post that I wrote several years ago about a song that I heard when Jerry and I were newly married and how I loved the words of the song and even sang it until God did require me to give up more than I was prepared to give. Then I thought of how God has used all of those "losses" to allow me to have more than I ever thought I could possess.
     That song was titled, "For Whatever it Takes to Draw Closer to you Lord", and it talks about trading sunshine for rain, comfort for pain, etc. I just thought it was such a beautiful song. But once I began to lose my babies and my health, I hated that song. For many years I would not listen to it and put it far from my brain. Then about seven years ago our Pastor and his daughter sang it at our church. As soon as I heard the first few notes I headed to bathroom because the tear spigot was turning to full blast. I sat on the toilet and just cried, as the Holy Spirit comforted me. Was I now willing to sing that song in truth? It took an act of faith for me to fully surrender my health to the One who created me. Once I let go and let God be the Lord of my physical body, I had such peace and could truly say, "For whatever it takes to be closer to you, Lord, that's what I am willing to do."
     How I wish that I could say that ever since that day I have been able to praise and thank the Lord for the physical trials I continue to face. But there are still times when I complain and cry and just get weary. How I wish that I could also say that the Lord fully healed my body. Instead, He continues to allow me to suffer. But in that suffering, I am learning and I am changing my thoughts and I am beginning to understand the pain of others. The two phrases that get me through the hardest times are: "It could always be worse", and "This is only temporary."
     I pray for that missionary. I pray that he will be able to trust God. I pray that when he does go through the trials and pains of life, that he will grow in his faith. I know that I am a different woman than I ever imagined I would be because of all that I have had to endure, and I thank God for it. I pray that this missionary will become the man that God wants him to be.
     Several years ago, I heard the analogy of Christians being like diamonds. They do not become items of beauty until they have had all the rough parts removed with chisel and hammer. In the hands of a skilled craftsman, they become jewels of great value.

The Second Wife

     You are the second wife of a man who seems to love you dearly. No, his first wife did not leave him, nor is she even dead. No, you are the second wife of a man who already has one wife. He says that his love for you is greater than the love you would have for your children. You accept what he says, but you long to know that love for children yourself. For some reason you are not able to produce any children while the first wife continues to have them every few years. She in her pride makes fun of you every chance she gets for she knows that her husband loves you more than he loves her. But she is the one who has produced the heir, and she is oh so proud of it.
     Your husband is a man who fears and obeys the LORD and is even of the family of the high priest, though not closely related. Still your husband is a good man who regularly takes his family to the tabernacle to worship the God of your faith. Every year, the whole family makes the trek for the special occasions that are required for every man to make.
     This year, you are so desperate for a child that you decide that you will earnestly pray and make a promise to God that if He will give you a son, you will dedicate this son to God. As you pray, you are in bitterness of soul and tears flow from your eyes. Your lips move while you pray, but no words are heard. Without your knowledge, the high priest sees what you are doing and instead of comforting and encouraging you, he condemns you for being drunk. He is very familiar with how drunkards appear because his own sons are wicked, guilty, and truly evil young men. You speak to the high priest and set him straight about your actions. Now you are committed to keep your promise for not only does God know your vow, but so does the high priest.
     A few months later, you realize that you are feeling strange and hope that what you doubt may actually be true. Can it be, that after all these years, and after all the loving, you are finally pregnant? Once it is confirmed, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has heard and answered your prayers. At last, a longed-for son is born from your body and placed in your arms.
     As you look into his trusting eyes, you begin to think about this child being placed in the care of the high priest. How can you do such a thing? It is the same high priest who accused you of drunkenness. It is the same high priest who does nothing to control or correct his wicked sons. It is the same high priest whose sons work in the tabernacle where you will place your precious baby boy. How can you even think that your son will not turn out just like them? How can you not worry about his future? How can you keep this vow to God Almighty? And that is when you remember that He is God Almighty and that you can trust Him. He is the one who heard and answered your prayer for this child who now lays in your arms. Instead of looking at the wickedness within the tabernacle, you keep your focus on God. You trust God! And God greatly blesses you for your faith.
     This is the story of Hannah that you can read in I Samuel 1-2. She demonstrated great faith which we women of today can learn to emulate. She trusted God, and God blessed her. This same God is our God if we receive His Son, Jesus Christ, as our Saviour. We too can trust God. We can trust God with our children, with ourselves, with our everything, and He will bless us for it. We don't need to fear the future nor the present nor the evil that surrounds us. Instead, we just need to trust God.

Daddy's Girl

I have always been a "daddy's girl", even when I hated and despised my dad for what he did to me and to our family. (That bitterness and anger was taken care of a long time ago and you can read about it in one of my earlier postings.)

 
One of the earliest photos I have is of me in the arms of my father. He was a big and strong man who was also meek and quiet. I would love to sit next to him at church and trace the tattoos on his arms with my little fingers. When I tired of doing that, he would allow me to cuddle up next to his side under those same strong arms. There I would be at peace while I listened to the preaching.

I can only remember one time when my dad "disciplined" me and it came as a total shock. I won't go into details. Suffice to say, it worked! There was another time when he was suppose to spank me when I was around nine years old and had been a super brat and mouthed off to my mom. Mom demanded that Dad take care of the situation. Having never been punished by my dad, I was a bit scared and did not know what to expect. He took me to my room and sat with me on the bed. He told me that he hated physical punishment and would never spank me. But to appease my mom, we had to pretend. So, instead of swatting my behind, my dad "spanked" the bed while I stood up and "cried". (I think that is when I learned to love acting and found I was really good at fake crying.) Now that Mom is in heaven, this is the first time she has probably learned about this story of my dad and me.

My dad is now 91 years old and is in failing health. I know it won't be long until he joins his bride of 69 years. I guess that is why I am thinking so much about him today.

 
He had his flaws and wasn't the best dad, but he was loyal and faithful. He was also stubborn and proud. I remember one time having an argument with him about something that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he stuck to his belief and would not be swayed. The very next day when I had proof in hand that he had been wrong, he denied that he had ever held the opposing belief. All I could do was shut my mouth, shake my head, and walk away.

My dad taught me to be independent by allowing me to make mistakes and learn from them. He taught me to be strong in my beliefs. He taught me to love math and to be able to apply it to every day life. He showed me how to be patient and to endure strife...and to keep your mouth shut when necessary. He taught me faithfulness to God, church, family, nation, and community. He taught me how to drive a stick-shift and had me help him rebuild the engine on my car when "someone" (not me) drove it without my permission and without oil and caused the engine to freeze up. I will never forget putting the rings on the pistons and trying to get the whole thing back into the cylinder.

 
My dad was in WWII and has only recently shared his memories of that time. He was on an LST that took part in D-Day, and the invasion of southern France, and north Africa. The Navy then transferred him to an LSM that took him to Japan for the invasion. He was in Tokyo Bay for the signing of surrender, then stayed behind to help with the clean-up. I know that he still has memories buried deep down inside that he won't remember and will never share. That's okay! I am proud of my dad.

It is hard to see my dad as he slowly declines. I remember the first time I hugged him after he had his heart attack and bypass surgery. No longer did I feel the strong shoulder muscles that always assured me that Daddy would protect me. Over the years those muscles, as well as all the others, have gotten weaker and smaller and his stature has shrunk to my height. At this point, he can no longer stand on his own nor take care of himself. About all he likes to do anymore is sleep for hours on end. But inside, he is still my strong and loving dad. And even though some of the memories still hurt, I will cherish the life I had with my daddy.

Fight the Enemy

It has been a long time since I did any blogging. Lately, I have been praying for God to show me how He wants to use me since I can no longer do most of the things I used to do. Teaching Sunday School, leading Ladies' ministries, Nursery worker, Kitchen leader, Life Group Co-coach, Church cleaning and yard work, Drama leader, Prayer partner...all those things had to be laid aside when the Lord allowed me to have fibromyalgia. I knew that I could always pray, which I do always, but I also knew that I could do more. My heart's desire is to serve the Lord every minute of every hour of every day.
Recently, the Holy Spirit has been gently speaking to me that I could get back to blogging. So, here I am, and Lord willing, He will use me to be a blessing to you. My prayer is that those who read my blogs will increase in number and in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. May God use this site for His glory and your good.

So, for this blog I would like to share with you a dream that I had a couple of days ago.
In my dream I was a warrior general, like John of Arc, who was leading my city army into a battle to defend our city from the coming enemy. The location was somewhere in Israel at a city of only three thousand and the setting was around 2500 years ago. We had heard from reliable sources that a huge army was coming to take our city because we would be an easy target and because they hated our good and godly reputation.

 
My army and I were clad in our tunics, cloaks, and coats. Our only weapons were our tools of farming and shepherding. But we loved and served the Lord God and knew that whatever happened He was on our side.

Our troops numbering less than a thousand were stationed all around the small city wall, prepared to defend unto our death. As we stood in the morning sun, the enemy army approached. They were covered in black armor from head to toe and were mounted on black horses of war. Spears and swords glittered in the morning light. Fear touched our brains, but I yelled words of encouragement.

 
The army responded with their own yelling of "Charge" as they came rushing towards us. However, as they reached us, they fell from their horses and begged for mercy. Their spears and swords were only made of plastic and their horses were inflated pool toys.

 
As the enemy lay quivering they pleaded for us to just let them into the city where they could get food and drink and rest. They promised that they would leave within a week or two or a month. At first I looked upon them with pity as my troops wondered what we should do. It was then I remembered how Satan comes like a roaring lion, but also as a subtle serpent. With firm resolve, I commanded our army to dispense of the enemy at once and not allow even one of them to step one foot within the city gates.

Sometimes the enemy attacks quickly and strongly, and it overwhelms us. But much of the time Satan comes as an angel of light and we welcome him into our life. We must be on our guard at all times and always seek the advice of God and His Word.

Warning Warning

By Alice Jensen, Feb. 2015 

WARNING: This blog contains information that you may not wish to read nor wish to have others read. I believe that this story needs to be told and pray that it will be an encouragement to others who have gone through the same experience or care for someone who has. You may comment, but no negativity, please. You do not know how emotionally hard it has been for me to finally write this story.

Introduction: During the month of January 2015 the Lord allowed my husband and I to watch a certain television show that dealt with rape, specifically "date-rape". My husband and I got to talking afterwards because I was wondering if there is some ministry that I could do for other women who have been raped. A ministry of the Lord. My beloved husband very pointedly told me that I wasn't ready because I had never faced my past yet. I still blamed myself for what had happened to me. My husband very clearly assured me that none of it was my fault. NONE of it! and that I had to come to a realization and acceptance of that fact before I could help anyone else. That is when I decided to write this with the grace and help of the Lord.

"An Admission of Truth"

When I was seventeen years old, I was working at the place that my mom managed. She and I were the only ones that worked there and I usually closed the business by myself in the early evenings. When my parents went on vacation, I was left in charge. I think it was during that time that the city fire inspector came to do his inspection of the building where we were located. The young man came into our business to check our fire extinguishers and we got to talking. He was cute and very friendly. I was young and looking for a boyfriend. So, I decided to flirt a little with him. It didn’t take long for him to take the hint and he invited me out on a date that Friday after I got done with work. It didn’t take long for me to agree.

Those who know my past know that I had been sexually assaulted several times as a child and as a teen. I had been raised to believe that “love” between male and female, meant sexual favors. Even though I was now a Christian, I still didn’t understand how to behave with the opposite sex. I wanted it to be romance and friendship and being together. I truly did not want it to be just sexual pleasures for the man. But I didn’t know how to find that kind of true love and by that time in my life, I was just 

Our date went fairly well, but right away I felt scared because he told me that he was not a Christian and didn’t care to hear about religion. He ordered wine with the dinner and I told him that not only was I too young to have alcohol, but that I didn’t like it at all. My grandfather and my favorite aunt had both died alcoholics. I couldn’t see any good that came from drinking it. He didn’t care about what I thought and basically called me a baby. I should have walked away right then and there, but he became my “challenge to convert” instead.

After dinner, he took me to a house that belonged to a friend of his. I thought the friend would be there and we would end up visiting with him. But no, that wasn’t why this guy wanted to get me there. He had sex on his mind. I was so foolish and decided that I would stay and we would just engage in a little kissing. I thought I was strong enough to stop him if he tried to go too far. He got a bit friskier than I had wanted, And I firmly told him to stop and he was "kind" enough to stop and take me home.

I don’t remember any more “real” dates other than him visiting at my house and me visiting at his apartment a couple of times. I kept trying to get him to come to church with me and he kept trying to get me to go to bed with him. He said that he would come to church if I first had sex with him. I refused and he told me that we could never go any further in our relationship unless he could “test-drive the car”. I was really offended by that, but also really stupid to keep him even as a friend.

The last time I went to visit him; I decided to go with my Bible marked with passages for him to read. I hoped that if I “accidentally” left it in the living room on the end table under my sweater, that he just might be enticed to pick up my Bible and read it. I was such a naïve fool. I was a young woman, a baby Christian, and one desperate girl who just wanted to be loved for who she was.

A few days later, this guy called and told me to come over and get my stinking Bible and sweater. It was a Wednesday night and I had just returned from prayer meeting at my church. I was so sad to hear him call my Bible stinking. I knew it meant that I had failed. I began to accept the fact that I could no longer have contact with this guy after I retrieved my items.

It was about 9:30pm when I showed up at his apartment. The man opened the door wearing a big, fluffy bathrobe and appeared to be getting ready to go to sleep. I was just going to get my items and get out with the knowledge that this relationship was over. He told me to come in and pick up the stuff myself because he didn’t even want to touch my Bible. (I should have known that the guy was a demon in the flesh who couldn't stand the Word of God!) I went into the living room and picked up my Bible from the same place where I had left it. He was angry that I had tried to get him to look at my Bible. It scared me and I could feel my heart beginning to beat faster. I looked around for my sweater, but it was nowhere to be seen. The guy told me that he had put it in his bedroom, but that I would have to go get it myself because he didn't want to even touch that. I did not want to go in there, but he would not let me leave. He was so convincing that he would not bring my sweater out and I had to go get it from his room. How I wish I had just left it there and gone home, but it was my favorite sweater.

The adrenaline was flowing from apprehension, but I reasoned that I had been pure in my motives and that I could get the sweater quickly enough that I would be safe from this guy. So, I tried to make light talk as I entered the bedroom. I had never been in there, let alone ever even looked in the room before. I had no idea where to find my sweater. When I finally saw it on the night stand (which was located on the far side of the tiny room), my heart began to beat really fast in fear. As my heart raced, my voice got higher and faster. I just tried to get him to realize that I cared about his soul and wanted him to accept Christ as his savior. He stood there mutely and angrily glaring at me.

I don’t know how fast it happened, but with my back to the guy, I reached for my sweater and from the corner of my eye I could see him drop his bathrobe to the floor. He was completely naked when he rushed up behind me, pushed me to the bed, and ripped off my panties. He was so strong and had my shoulders pinned to the bed with his arms and my legs pinned down with his. He then shoved his knee between my legs and fiercely told me to "let him in". I cried and screamed and begged him to stop. He said this was happening whether I liked it or not and he shoved his other knee between my legs. I began to scratch his back. I dug in my nails . I know I scratched him deep enough to draw blood and so did he. He then threatened to kill me and put his forearm across my throat and angrily told me to shut up and let him finish. I was so scared I obeyed and tears streamed down my face onto his pillow soaking it. I could not believe that I was being raped and losing my virginity in such a horrible way. I fully blamed myself for being so stupid.

When he was done, he told me to clean up. While I was in the bathroom he asked me if I had the venereal disease “crabs” because one of his friends thinks he got them from his toilet. I was so mad at him for what he had done and what he had said that by the time that I left the bathroom, I went to the front room and shoved him as hard as I could and ran out the front door. I ran all the way home crying my eyes out. It was late by the time I got home to my parent’s house, so I hid out in the basement “rec-room” for the rest of the night. I didn't want either of my parents to see me, let alone question me about my crying. I blamed myself for the rape, I never told anyone about it until I was married. I hated the man who did this to me and became very bitter about the whole thing. The hatred became so strong in my heart that I decided to hate all men and trust no one.

In 1990, the Lord got ahold of my heart and mind. The Holy Spirit convicted me of my sins of anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and hatred. I was finally able to understand my sinful part and to forgive those who had hurt me sexually. However, I still had a very hard time admitting that I wasn’t responsible for the rape. I believed that if I had never even flirted with this unsaved man or had never been alone with him or hadn't gone to his apartment or hadn't even let him touch me in the first place, then he wouldn't have raped me. It wasn’t until I was married that I could even admit that it was a rape. My precious husband has helped me to realize that I was victim of rape and that none of it was my fault…and this is a fact that I had not accepted until this very day, January 9, 2015.

I wrote this testimony after Jerry and I had watched a couple of television shows that had featured rape in them. It made me begin to think about the rape that had happened to me so long ago. I never got the counseling that I needed. Jerry still thinks that I might need some, but I don’t. I just really don’t want to rehash an incident that old. I am hoping that it has turned from trash into a treasure, from compost into mulch, from bad into good. I have forgiven the guy who did this to me and I don’t even remember his name. I just want to be able to use my rape to be a blessing to others who have gone through the same horribleness. If there is one absolute truth that I wish to share, it is that the one who did the rape is totally to blame for it and the one who was raped is not to blame in any way. Another truth I would share: God loves you so much and the terrible things that happen in this life are because man chooses to sin, and that God can give you absolute healing and victory over every trial. If you wish, please pray for me that I would be used of the Lord to be a blessing to others who have been raped especially to Christian women. Thank you!

Butt prints

2014

By Alice Jensen

           After my mom died in April of this year, I went through most of her stuff. In one of the boxes, I found many articles that she had saved. Some were things that she had wrote, others were items that she found inspirational, and a few were interesting, and a couple were both funny and thought provoking. I chose not to keep very many of the articles. Those that I did keep were ones that made me think or laugh or both. And the following poem is one of them that made me do both. It is written in the style of “Footprints in the Sand”, but I do not know the author of this version.

 

“Butt Prints In The Sand”

 

One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there were seen.

The footprints of my precious Lord,

But mine were not along the shore.

And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?

Those prints are large and round and neat,

But Lord, they are too big for my two feet.”

“My child,” He said in somber tones,

“For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait.

You disobeyed, you would not grow,

The walk of faith you would not know.

So, I got tired; I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.

Because in life, there comes a time,

When one must fight, and one must climb.

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”

                              RESTITUTION GUIDELINES

Matthew 5:23-24; 6:12; 18:21     Acts 24:16    I Timothy 1:5, 19

1. RESTITUTION MUST ALWAYS BE A BLESSING: never a curse or burden. What God commands you to do will always end in a blessing. It should not be attempted until you are certain it will bless. Timing is so important. Don’t rush recklessly. We are to edify each other.

2. RESTITUTION RESULTS IN LOVE: It should cause more love for teach other than you had before. Full joy comes when restitution is proper and complete.

3. RESTITUTION IS A MATTER OF OBEDIENCE: Don’t sin by disobedience and expect God’s blessing. Restitution evidences to man that a transaction has already been made with God. Be committed to making restitution when needed, in God’s timing.

4. RESTITUTION SHOULD WAIT FOR GOD TO PREPARE THE WAY: He provides the circumstances to bring restitution about. In some situations there is no doubt or question about immediate action. In others, God needs to take the initiative. Begin by resting the case with God. Pray, “Lord, I am personally willing to make restitution and will allow you to take the initiative in preparing the way.” When He does, then you need to act accordingly. It is just as important that the Lord prepares the other party to receive you as it is you being willing to go to him. As you are prayerfully tuned to the Lord, He will make it clear. Sometimes the reception may not be to your liking, but when you move in God’s way, it will be the way He planned to bring about His results in His timing.

5. RESTITUTION PROVIDES AN OPPORTUNITY TO MINISTER: Often the other party is in need of a “bridge” on which to cross from his self-centeredness into positive obedience to God. Your example and making the move in his direction may free him to honestly face his own need in a way he has desired but has not been able to fulfill. In some cases merely your moving toward him “preaches” a powerful and convicting sermon to his soul, though that is not your motivation in going.

6. RESTITUTION IS ALWAYS UNILATERAL: always one-sided. Never look for the other person to take the blame or even share in the blame. Restitution is specifically a matter of settling my wrongness. It deals only with my blame, my wrongness, in a given matter and must never be related to the possibility that someone else was implicated in my wrong. It is dealing with the attitudes of my own heart that even allow the situation to remain.

By understanding my sole responsibility to make restitution, I may move straight to the issue, avoiding the snare of thinking that I must first establish a certain kind of delicate treaty with the other party. God’s work in another like is his business, though Satan will tempt me to share God’s responsibility. Therefore, leave the other party with god. Do your part. Be assured that if God asks you to do it, He will not only create the circumstances, but He will also provide the resources needed for you to carry it out.

7. RESTITUTION IS NEVER “IF”: It is never predicated by the statement, “If I have offended you,” or “If I have hurt you.” The “please forgive me if I have been an offense” type restitution will never settle anything or produce God’s results. If restitution deals with my blame, then it must be that I have offended, hurt, or allowed a bitterness to remain. It then should be, “Please forgive me. I am sorry and ask your forgiveness.”

8. RESTITUTION NEVER GUARANTEES OR PRECLUDES A “RIGHT” RESPONSED: At the point you ask for forgiveness, you are not responsible or guaranteed a positive “right” response. Commit that to God.

 9. RESTITUTION MUST ALWAYS BE AS BROAD AS THE OFFENSE BUT NEED NEVER BE ANY BROADER: Deal with God alone about private sins of the mind and body, These should never be included in restitution. When the other party knows nothing about it, deal only with God. Never say, “I have had some bad thoughts about you” or “I resented you” or “I have had lustful thoughts toward you and I want you to forgive me.” Go to the other party only when they clearly know about the situation because they were involved in it. If you have shared these thoughts or feelings with a third party, go to them and let them know you have made this situation right with God. Go no further under any circumstances. Some have created thoughts in the other party’s mind that were not there previously and created a further problem, resulting in continued bitterness and resentment. Private lustful thoughts expressed to the other party can generate the same thoughts in that person’s mind and precipitate a sinful immoral relationship. Be very careful.

Though private sins, some people feel strongly that they must say something to the person even though it is not necessary and he know nothing about it. If you are strongly compelled that this is necessary, always be positive, speak in love, edify, and make tangible expressions that confirm your love. Never say, “I am sorry for resenting you, please forgive me.” Say something like this, “I just want you to know that God has put so much love in my heart for you that I have never loved you more than I do right now. There have been times I should have loved you more, but I thank God for giving me so much love for you now.” Follow with tangible acts that confirm your love for him, build him up, and bless his life in Christ.

Personal sins affecting you and another person must be dealt with at that level alone.

Public sins affecting a large group or an entire church need to be made right on whatever level of people it affects. Always be as broad as the offense but not any broader!

10.  RESTITUTION IS FOR THE GLORY OF GOD: In giving public testimony, restitution brings glory to God only when it exalts what Christ has done rather than magnifying the situation itself. In the light of everything else discussed, personal testimony can be given. It then is not a matter of “hanging out dirty linen in public”, but rather an expression of the praise to God’s glory in deliverance. Others then rejoice by your testimony in that God has performed a “miracle” rather than in your elaboration all the details. Only when the glory goes to Jesus will people be blessed and the church edified.

 IMPORTANCT FINAL WORDS:

1. On matters of personal morality (immorality), be sure to consult your pastor or spiritual advisor before acting in andy direction.

2. Never pressure a person to respond. If he is unwilling to forgive, ask him to contact you when he is ready.

3. If the sin occurred before salvation, deal with everything the Holy Spirit reveals.

4. Aside from matters of personal morality (immorality), the general rule is to deal person-to-person. If impossible, telephone. Letters, emails, etc. should be the last resort.

5. If you have any questions at all about the what, when, why, how, or even if restitution should be made, consult your pastor or spiritual advisor. Don’t with when it is too late you had gotten the right advice. You cannot always recover the damage.

This has been copied from the flier put out in 1990 by the Canadian Revival Fellowship.