Freedom

I was studying the Bible this morning and was once again blessed by Colossians 3:3, "For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." When I accepted Christ as my Saviour, the old, dead self was taken away, and I became a new and living soul and spirit in Christ. I don't understand how it all happened; I just know that it did. 

Before Christ, I was religious and rebellious. I felt dead inside. However, when I finally understood what Jesus did for me on the cross, I was convicted of the fact that I was going to Hell unless I called upon the name of the LORD. As soon as I did, it was as if the old me was taken away and a new me came. I admit that I have sinned greatly many times since that day, but I feel horrible when I do. That never happened before Christ. Back then, I simply didn't care what I did.

Today, as I was looking at my 2004 journal once again, I found an entry that I thought I should share. It is from 3-30-04, "For the last couple of days, I have been reading my journals from 1992 & 1993. That was when we started getting "entangled" with ATI and their "law" beliefs. I'm sure that they are sincere in their motives and beliefs. However, I also believe they are wrong. We are not justified by the "law"; we are set free from it and justified by the Lord, Jesus Christ. Because of that, we are then free from the power of sin to live in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, we are to live a life that is pleasing to God, especially in accordance with Paul's epistles. Not to be "approved", but because we love and fear the Father...out of obedience.

I am thankful for the things we learned in ATI, but I am even more thankful that we were set free from the "bondage". It is such a joyful and peaceful feeling to know that I am accepted and justified fully in Christ. There is nothing that I can do to make myself more holy in God's sight.

Daily, yea, hourly, yea, every moment, I have the choice of Whom I serve and why. Whether it be Christ or sin. I try to always choose Christ and yield my members as instruments of righteousness unto holiness.

This freedom has brought more peace and unity to our family. We realize that we will each stand alone before our God. The Holy Spirit indwells and works His way within us individually according to the will of God; not according to my will. Am I still burdened and grieved over sin? Of course! Do I wish that we were more spiritual? Yes! I know that there is room for improvement, but that is not my responsibility to anyone but myself. And that is why I am trying to apply God's Word to my life as the Holy Spirit leads and empowers me."

Sandwich living

    One of my favorite sandwiches is one that I get from a local restaurant. It is toasty warm filled with grilled chicken breast meat, sprinkled with crisp bacon, and topped with melted cheese. I don't have it very often because of my choice to eat right. But when I do have it, I know that I am in for a messy meal because the sandwich also has a creamy garlic sauce spread on it. Once everything gets all melted together, it becomes a gooey, yummy, slippery mass inside the bun. The only way that I can eat it and not wear it, is to smash the bread together making sure that the seam of the roll is facing down and take my bites from the side. It only took me three times eating this type of sandwich to realize how to do it the right way.
    Well, right now, at this time in my life, I am the filling inside that sandwich and if I do not stay inside of the bun, I am going to ooze out all over the place. I am squeezed on top by the stress of dealing with my daughter. I am squeezed on bottom by the stress of dealing with my mother. And I am melted together with the stress of my fibromyalgia. So, what is keeping this sandwich life from falling apart? It is the strong hands of the LORD. If I just stay right where I belong, I am safe from falling all over the floor. Thank God for His strength....and for those yummy sandwiches.

Applying God's Word

    One of my most favorite things to do is to read. I especially love to read my journals. This post is about another one of the entries from my 2004 journal. It is sad to read it this time because the lesson that I should have learned back then has still not been fully learned as of today. However, the LORD is so gracious and long suffering. He still wants me to learn this lesson, and so, He has given me another opportunity to do that. I shall try to do much better this time.
    So, here is the journal page from March 22, 2004,
    "For the past 28 years, I have been reading and studying my Bible. I feel "dirty" if I don't read it every day. But the Holy Spirit is really working one me...that I should be doing more than just reading or studying the Book. I need to do more applying of God's Word. Reading is no more than a form of entertainment. I do that all the time. Studying is just a way of learning and understanding. Like what I did in college. But applying...that's where true wisdom comes in and Godly changes occur. My head is full of knowledge and understanding. There is even some wisdom in there. But it is all vain if it isn't applied. Such as "love your neighbor as yourself." I do like them, but I don't love them as I should. Or "greet the brethren." I barely even greet those that I know and am close to. Hmmm! Well, after 28 years, it is time to apply the Word of God. Not just read it and think that's enough."
    So many of us wonder "what is the will of God for my life?" Well, Jesus said that if we loved him, we would keep his commandments. What are his commandments? That we would love the LORD with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. And to love our neighbor as ourself. It isn't reading the Bible nor understanding the Bible, it is applying the Bible by doing what it says. And that doesn't mean that we just do it in our own power, but that we do it because we love the LORD and want to do his will.
    Those of you who read this blog, will you please pray for me to do God's will and apply His Word? And that I would start now and not wait? Thanks!

Bible Wives Who Had to "Put-Up"

    I can't believe that it was over six years ago that I wrote in my journal about Bible wives who had to "put-up". I had been thinking about being a Christian wife and about the fact that so many Christian wives do not "put-up". Instead, they leave. I couldn't help but wonder that if they had put-up and kept up an attitude of gratitude if God wouldn't have blessed them. I do admit though, that I have been tremendously blessed to be married to the greatest man in the whole world. But there have been times when I wasn't so grateful for him and did not have a godly attitude about it. Of course, there were times when he drove me crazy, but there have been even more times when I am sure that I drove him crazy. However, we decided years ago that we would dedicate our lives to one another and to the LORD. It was a very stressful time in our lives back then and my depression was almost beyond belief. We took our daughter, Rebekah, who was terrified by what was happening to her mom and dad, and with her we made commitments to each other that we would never leave. That we would stay a family until God took us home to Heaven.
    So, I thought that I would share this journal entry from February of 2004 (and add some additional comments):
    "Sarah= she had to put-up with Hagar and the other concubines that her husband had. She messed up by giving her hand-maid, Hagar, to her husband, but later she admits her sin to Abraham. God then blessed her with the promised son, Isaac, who would become one of the fathers of the nation of Israel.
    Hanna = she had to put-up with Penuel (her husband's second wife) who was able to have children by their husband. Penuel and her children were rude to Rachel and would make fun of for not having any children. Hannah maintained an attitude of submission and trust in the LORD. She made a promise to God, and she kept it when God blessed her with a son. That son was Samuel, one of the greatest men in the Bible.
    Rachel = she had to put-up with her dad's deception and with her older sister. Both of them tricked Rachel's intended on the day that should have been her marriage. So, instead of Rachel being wedded to Jacob, Leah was married first. Rachel had to wait her turn and from then on we see her in constant competition with her sister to see who would win the favor of their husband. I never do see Rachel change her attitude and I think because of that, we don't see the promised Messiah coming through her lineage, instead we see that Jesus comes from the tribe of Judah, one of Leah's many sons.
    Michal = who loved David and was the first wife to marry him. She had to put-up with him abandoning her when David had to flee from her father, King Saul. However, I believe that she would have gone with David and would have been well protected. But she had to put-up with being left behind for many years. She had to put-up with being married to another man. She had to put-up with not being able to bear any children of her own. She had to put-up with David returning to Israel with a few more wives and their children. She had to put-up with being taken from her new husband to live with David and his other wives. Then she had to put-up with his behavior that she found offensive. Her attitude became very bitter towards her husband and because of it she became cursed and basically had to put-up with living the rest of her life as a "widow". And I think the worst of all, she had to put-up with the death of all the children she had raised for her sister who had died years earlier.
    Abigail = she had to put-up with being married to the foolish Nabal and then becoming one of David's many wives. She had a humble attitude and because of it, her life was spared, and she was able to have a son with her new husband, David.
    Esther = first she had to put-up with the death of her parents when Assyria came to and basically destroyed Jerusalem. She not only lost her parents, but she lost her home. She later had to put-up with being entered into a "beauty contest" that would choose the next queen for the king of the country that had invaded Jerusalem in the first place. She always had a submissive and trusting attitude towards her older cousin who had raised her after the death of her parents. Because of that, God blessed her and allowed her to "win the beauty contest". History tells us that the king she married wasn't the best dude in the world, so she had to put-up with being married to "the enemy" and to only see him when he requested her presence. God blessed her and used her to save her people (Jews) from another plot to have them destroyed."
    I'm sure that we can think of other wives in the Bible who had to "put-up" with less than desirable situations. Most of them did it with godly attitudes and were then blessed because of it. I think that we Christian wives could take encouragement from these women.

Enjoy Today

    I thought that I would share another entry from one of my journals. This one come from January 1, 2004. (Hard to believe it was more than six years ago.)
    "I read a very encouraging book last week titled, "I'm not Suffering From Insanity...I'm Enjoying Every Minute", By Karen Scalf Linamen. She write about the fact that the only time we have is the present and that we should savor it and live it, experience it and enjoy it. Too often we feel guilt ridden over the past and are too concerned about the future...so much so, that we don't realize how blessed we are right now. I am going to try to do more "living" in the present this year."
    I'm sorry to say, but I don't remember if I did more "living" or not in 2004. But I do know that I haven't been "living" lately. It has been overwhelming to just survive sometimes. The last couple of weeks have been full of stress. The stressful situations are still present, but I am so glad that they don't have to overwhelm me. They only do when I allow them to do so. I'm so blessed right now, this very minute. And I am going to enjoy it! God has given me eyes to behold, ears to hear, a mind to understand, and most of all...I have Him in my life.

family

    I love my family! It is a blessing to still have my parents around. However, no longer is my mother the woman that I once knew. She has had dementia for several years. It has slowly, but surely eroded a woman who held such power in my mind.
    This last week she called and asked us to come over and straighten out something. I knew that it had to be some sort of arguement that she was having with my dad. But it was worse, much worse. She was in tears telling us that Daddy would not let her stay home alone by herself. She couldn't believe that there was anything wrong with her. It was as if her mind had taken her back to thirty years ago. It took a call to my sister, my dad going to his appointment, and Jerry and I talking to her to get her to calm down. It was very stressful. This was the first time that she could not remember that she had dementia. Usually, she wants to always share with everyone that she has "three boyfriends": Luke Kemia, Art Ritis, and Al Himer (which is really D. Mentia). But not that day. She thought that all of us were in a conspiracy against her. That none of us had ever talked to her about this before. She was positive that it was my dad who had the problems and not herself.
    It was nice once she finally calmed down. But she never did return to the state where I had last seen her. She mentioned several times that it was nice to finally know what was wrong with her. Wow! She has actually known for several years but had completely forgotten.
    Since I have fibromyalgia and take medication, it is very hard for me when I get stressed out. And I have to say, this really stressed me out. For the next 24 hours, I was dead to the world. I am glad that we were able to go over and keep an eye on her while my dad went to his appointment. This is the blessing. The truth? That God knows all and that we can trust Him to do what is best.

Do Good

    Oh, how I can relate to Paul and his words in Romans 7:19, "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." The apostle Paul was in a fix. He wanted to do good, but instead did that which was evil. As a Christian, we struggle with the same dilemma. At least I sure do. Or should I say, I sure am. I am struggling to do good, when in my mind, I want to do evil.
    Long, long ago, in a land not very far away, I was abused as a child. Anger and hatred began to grow and grow in the furtile soil of my heart. By the time I became a young adult, I was full of the weeds and briars of consuming bitterness. I despised almost everyone in my life. Men most of all. I had a barrier of protection around me that I wouldn't allow anyone to enter. It was my place of safety. It was a miserable location for my soul to reside. All within was darkness and pain. But then the Holy Spirit began to do an amazing work of weeding. I was convicted of my own sin and graciously set free. Not just free, but free indeed. Completely set free. (If you want to know more about this, contact me.)
    So, for the last couple of decades, I have been able to live in the light and freedom of God's grace. However, recently, the ugliness of anger has entered my mind. I learned of a woman who lived with a man and his girlfriend. This woman knew that the man had been previously convicted of child molestation. And yet, she brought her own young daughter into this house to live with her and this couple. Yes, you already know what happened, don't you? This man is now sitting jail, accused of molesting this precious child. 
    That story made me so angry at these adults. How dare they expose an innocent life to such evil. An evil that will stay with her for the rest of her life. (I know because it happened to me.) But....the story doesn't end there. This woman who lived with this couple is now pregnant with this creep's child. And the three adults in this story, are all supposed Christians.
    Now, do you see why I am so angry?!
    What is the truth and blessing in this story? (Can you believe that there actually is one? Well, there is.) It is how this applies to my soul. It would be so easy for me to give myself completely over to anger and hatred, but that isn't who I am anymore. The Holy Spirit reminds me that I am to do good. There are few places in the Bible where it states specifically on what is sinful. You can usually figure it out by how God responds to what is being done or not done. And by what the Bible says that we should and should not do. But there is one place where it is very clear to each and every Christian. This verse is very personal. James 4:17, "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin." So, I realize that I am to do good, no matter how I feel. And if I don't, then it is sin to me. It doesn't matter the sins that these other people have done, it matters that I don't sin myself by allowing evil to rule and reign in my soul. So, I chose to do good.
    What does it mean for me to do good? I think John 15:17 says it very clearly. Jesus commands," These things I command you, that ye love one another." That means that I am to love those who sin as well as those who are righteous. It does not mean that I condone what the sinners do. Just that I am to allow God to love them through me...because like Paul, I cannot do that which is good. God must do it through me.