I love looking back at my old journals. It is amazing to see how much I have learned, how much I have changed, how much I have stayed the same, and how much the Lord has blessed me. I thought that I would share another entry with you. This one comes from 1988. I was the age that my daughter is now....weird!!!
    "You know, it really bugs me that so many Christians are so wimpy (myself the worst). Satan, or the world, or whatever, comes along in our life and tempts us. It may be ever so gently and over we fall. Christians are suppose to "stand fast". I just can't believe how weak we are, and that bothers me. It makes me upset with me. Satan knows exactly what is our weakness and he knows exactly how to tempt us and how to make us fall. I bet he really gets a kick out of it!
    Why can't we be stronger Christians? Don't we know Who dwells within us? We can't stand by ourselves. That is why we fall so easily. We need to read the Bible more, we need to pray more, we need to give our lives completely to Jesus. We are but humans, but with Christ as our Saviour, with God as our guide, with the Holy Spirit as our power, we can withstand...coming out victorious, giving God all the glory."
    Quite often I think about the "fear of the Lord" and that we Christians have no fear of Him. Last week as I was reading my Bible, the Holy Spirit spoke to me from Proverbs 19:23, "The fear of the LORD tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil." Oh that we would fear the LORD!

reflections

    I was recently reading one of my journals from 2004. In it I came across an insight that the Lord had shown me. I haven't shared it with anyone other than the few junior high girls I taught in Sunday school six years ago. It was such an encouraging insight that I thought I would share it with all of you.
    The Lord spoke to me of how I "limit" His affect in my life. He is never changing. He doesn't get any more important, nor less significant. God is. And He is always the same. It is I who limit the amount of Him I perceive. Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today, and forever. It is my thoughts, emotions, and feelings that get in the way of what Christ can do with my life. 

    It would be like having a bright flashlight. If I was to take a piece of cardboard and poke a hole in it and then place said cardboard over the flashlight, then the light that emanates through the hole would be much less than the flashlight can produce. The source of the light has not changed, only the amount of light that is allowed to pass through the cardboard. The cardboard represents me. The size of the hole in the cardboard is bigger or smaller depending on the size of the hole that I make and the amount of light that I allow to pass through. 

    I guess another analogy would be the aperture on a camera. Have you ever looked inside the lens of a camera? Inside you can usually see the aperture. It can change size when the person operating the camera changes the settings. The opening of the aperture determines how much or how little light can be exposed on the film. 

    There is so much that God can do in our lives if we would just let Him have control. He is so much more than our finite brains could ever comprehend, but we continue to limit Him in our lives. I sure know that I still do. Why? Maybe because I am afraid of what the light might expose.

Normal is a Blessing

    When I was younger, I never thought that "normal" was a blessing. Normal was boring and I wanted to be different. Now that I have fibromyalgia, I realize how blessed it is to have a "normal" day. There are days when I am in so much pain, or I am so tired, that I can't do anything except sit around or sleep. It is then that I get very frustrated and discouraged. I begin to feel like my life is never going to be "normal" again.
    Ever since I was a young woman, I have had a Type-A personality. I loved being busy and spending every moment doing something...anything. Sitting around the house was not a part of my life. It was fun being busy. It seemed that life was full and good. It made me feel like a great Christian to be able to do so many things.
    But all of that changed dramatically a couple of years ago. I knew that I wasn't able to do as much. I knew that there were things that made me really tired. I knew that I was feeling more and more pain, especially when I tried to sleep. I knew that something was happening, and I knew I didn't like it.
    No longer can I do the things that I once use to do. It is hard to make any commitments because I never know when I am going to have a bad attack. My life has changed tremendously. I had to resign from my beloved job because I was in so much pain every afternoon and would have to sleep a lot. I had to give up teaching Sunday school. I can't be consistent in attending choir practice. But it's okay!
    I can still serve the LORD every day. Prayer has increased. Bible study is sweet. Being with my family is a daily blessing. I can still be a part of choir when I feel good. I can work with my husband in our Bible institute. I can help my daughter. I get to go to water aerobics with my sister. And so much more.
Yes, "normal" is a blessing.