Fibromyalgia part two

Symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

• Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, weakness in the limbs, and leg cramps
• Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy
• Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep
• Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long
• Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks (“fibro fog”)
• Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome)
• Tension or migraine headaches
• Jaw and facial tenderness
• Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold
• Feeling anxious or depressed
• Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs, or feet
• Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder)
• Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise
• A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet
• Painful menstrual periods
• Dizziness

This list comes from webmd.com. There are many good websites that you can look at to learn even more about this rotten disorder of fibromyalgia.

I have to deal with just about all of these symptoms. The only one I don't have to "worry" about is the painful menstrual periods because I had a hysterectomy twenty-four years ago. I guess that was a blessing in disguise.

In my last posting about fibro, I wrote about the pain that I have to deal with every day. Today, I thought I would post about the fatigue I experience. There are times when it gets so bad that all I can do is sleep. It is like a tidal-wave when it overwhelms my brain and there is nothing that I can do about it. When I first started to notice the fatigue, I did try to fight it with all my strength. I remember a few years ago trying to make a dinner for my extended family that was coming over for a visit. The fatigue made me just want to go to sleep, but I had a dinner to prepare and housecleaning to get done. It got done, but I had to sleep for the next day and a half. It only took a couple more of these episodes to realize that I could not and should not even try to fight these fatigue attacks unless I really wanted to sleep for the next 36 hours. Now, I listen to my brain and just give it a rest. 

Now a days, when I feel fatigued, I usually just go to bed and stay there for three hours. When I get up, I still feel worn out, but in another hour or two, I feel well enough to go do something that would have been impossible if I hadn't napped.

Many times, though, I still get frustrated and discouraged that I have to even deal with the fatigue. Especially when it hits when I already have other plans. I get upset that I have to drop those plans or if able, do them another day. The Word of God says that in everything we are to give thanks and that all things work out for our good to those who love God. By faith and obedience, I am trying to trust in the Lord with all my heart and to thank Him for the fatigue as well as for the fibromyalgia in total. I admit I am not there yet. This is one lesson that I haven't fully learned and accepted as of yet. If you feel like it, you can pray for me to be truly and fully thankful and accepting of God's will. Thanks.

I hate sin

Yesterday, Bekah and I had the privilege of going to Seattle to help with a fund-raising event for Special Olympics. We decided that it would be best to park in Bremerton, ride the ferry, and then walk up to CenturyLink Field where we would be selling game day programs before the Seahawks played the Vikings.

There were so many people that walked on to the ferry and most of them were very strange acting and/or looking. It was really weird, and we didn't know what was going on. Usually, a ferry ride is a relaxing way to spend an hour, but not this time. There was this one guy that kept jumping up on the bench seats and yelling weird stuff. We also noticed that a lot of the females were wearing these leaf leis. And a bunch of guys had "leaf" pictures on their shirts and/or hats. I finally realized who 90% of these passengers were and where they were headed. They were going to the Seattly hemp-fest to get high once again. I was really surprised to see how many of them there were on this ferry. The saddest ones to see were those who had young children with them that they were taking to this pot-smoking "party".

It was nice to finally get off the ferry and to get away from all the weirdness. Bekah and I had a fun time hawking programs for three hours in the Event Center. Our vocal cords are raw from all of the yelling that we had to do to be heard above the crowds. While there, I kept thinking about all of those people who were coming to "worship" their football idols and how that so many of them were lost without Jesus as their Saviour. How I wished that instead of programs, I was handing out tracts to these football fans. What an amazing opportunity was wasted. My desire from this experience is to be able to pass out tracts at our local events.

After we got done selling programs, we were given tickets to the game. We got to sit in the "nosebleed" section right in front of a guy who couldn't say anything without a cuss word coming out after every word. We tried to just enjoy the game as we had never been to a professional football game in our lives. I thank God that Bekah had her I-pod and Bose headphones. She couldn't hear the guy, but I did. A couple of times I tried to shush him. I didn't get a break from him until after first quarter when he left for a few minutes. 

The other disturbing part of this day was all the beer that was being consumed at the football game, and that older people were buying and giving it to their underage friends. It made me heart sick. I was beginning to really hate sin and the hold that it has on so many people.

On the way home from Seattle, we were once again on a ferry was packed with people. The hemp-fest was over for the day and these folks were now so much more mellow than they had been in the morning. There had to be over 400 folks on the seating level, and 90% were from the pot party. Some of them were sleeping (even though it was only 9pm), others were just "melted" on the seats, and yet a few were still acting stupid. I could overhear many conversations about getting high at the festival. It was so sad that 50% of this crowd was high-school age or younger. My heart was so broken, and my mind was so angry at sin, that I couldn't stay inside for very long. Bekah and I went to the front of the ferry where we knew there would be lots less people. Even though it was windy and cold, I felt better.

By the time the ferry got to Bremerton I could not wait to get back to my van and be alone with Bekah and God. I was full of hate and had to do a lot of praying. The Holy Spirit reminding me of Jesus' words to love our enemies. (These folks weren't my enemies, but their sin was.) The Holy Spirit also made me realize that there is even though I felt like there was no way that I could love these people, but that God does, and that if I let Him, He can love them through me.

Fibromyalgia

This morning, I had someone ask me about fibromyalgia. I have had discussion with others about it before and have been thinking about posting on my blog for quite a while on the subject of my fibromyalgia. In the image above you can see the common tender points that are used to identify if someone has fibromyalgia. I have all of them to some degree. The main thing is that a person must have pain in all four quadrants of the body: above the waist on the right side, above the waist on the left side, below the waist on the right side, and below the waist on the left side. There are other "signs" that a person has fibromyalgia, and these are also needed for a diagnosis. The major one is fatigue. I also have that and at times I have it really bad.

So, how to describe fibro? Every day I have pain which never leaves. Some days it is worse and every now and then it actually isn't too bad. Think of how you feel when you have the flu and your body aches all over. That is how I feel on my worst days. Now think of how you feel when you have a headache. That is how my body feels on most days. My worst pain is in my elbows, knees, lower back, and neck. I realize that is where most of the tender points are located...well, that's where I hurt. The worst of the worst is my lower back. That pain is bad and causes me to not be comfortable when I sit. Much of the time I have to get up or move every 15 minutes. It does help me to have a comfortable yet firm chair with lumbar support. Those of you who know me from church have seen that I sit in the auditorium on a cushion and with a small blanket rolled up behind my back. That helps me a lot, but not completely. I haven't yet found anything that helps totally relieve the aches. I love going to Sunday school, however the chairs in there are really uncomfortable to my body and it is very hard for me to sit still.

There is medication that I take that does help me to make it through the day. So far, I have tried all of the three that have been specifically created to help fibro patients. I currently take Savella. I also take ibuprofen three times a day and Tramadol at night. I have tried naproxen, but it makes me very drowsy and gives me strange dreams. Other things that help are getting into a hot tub. Wish I had one at home, but a hot shower has to do for now. Recently, I went out and purchased a larger heating pad to lay on and it feels so good when my back hurts really bad. Medication has helped somewhat but has never removed all of the pain.

I will write more about fibro in my next posting (Lord willing), but as I am hurting pretty bad today, this is all I can do for now.

Broken heart

My heart is broken over the young ladies who think that love equals sex, or that sex equals love. Yesterday I decided to go to the Port Orchard ferry 45 minutes early. I thought that the library might be open, but it wasn't. So, I had 45 minutes to wait for Bekah's ferry. Since the weather was so nice and the scenery was so beautiful, I decide to walk around the marina and waterfront. I was having a very nice time until I got to the waterfront park. It was shady and that made me cold. I had just turned to go back to my van when I heard my name called. I turned back to see two girls that I had worked with from the school where I volunteer. One of the girls was sitting in front of a boy who had his hands all over her. At first, I thought I would just wave and leave, but the other girl was one that I hadn't seen much since she was now in junior high. It was embarrassing to walk up the sitting area to where the trio was seated. The older girl left the other two and walked over to hug me. The younger girl finally moved to sit next to the boy, but he still had his arms around her tightly.

It wasn't hard to imagine what had been going on between the two of them. I had been just like that when I was her age. Looking for some boy to "love" you, to desire you, to want you. And not understanding that all he really wanted was to get his hands (or more) all over your body. I talked to the older girl for a little while, but my heart was breaking over the whole situation and I couldn't wait to get back to the van so that I could cry and pray. Which is just what I did.
This young girl is only 12 years old. Please pray for her and for all those who are like her. Please pray for me to have the wisdom of God in dealing with this situation. Please pray for the parents of both girls that they would be able to help their precious girls to understand that true love is not sex, that these parents would love their girls and care for them in the best ways possible. Thank you!

School's Over

I thank God for the peace that He gives. Last Monday, I went to the school to do some volunteer work. I was watching "my kids" practice for their 6th grade graduation when it seemed like a flood of tears was about to overwhelm me. I decided that it would be best if I went home. There in the privacy of my house, I was able to let them flow. It was amazing to realize that the children who had been "babies" just six years earlier were now ready to become young adults. They didn't need me anymore and that was hard to accept. (Poor Jerry had to put up with my depressed mood for the rest of the day. I don't think he noticed since he was still so sick.)

The next morning, when I started my quiet time with the Lord, I was surprised to find the Holy Spirit waiting for me. He immediately filled me with peace and comfort. I knew that God loves these precious children so much more than I ever could and He reassured me that He was watching out for them. Amen!

I know that many of you do not understand the care, concern, and love that I have for these specific children. I believe that it is a gift that the Lord gave to me. I have always loved children, except for several years when I was so bitter and angry at God for the sorrow He had allowed me to endure. However, when I confessed and forsook those sins, the Lord restored that great ability to love once again. Then, six years ago, God gave me a most wonderful job of working as a para-educator in the same school that I had attended decades earlier. The children that I worked with were in the "normal" classes and I fell in love with all of the students. I was able to work with them from first grade to fifth grade and then was able to volunteer in their classrooms this year. So, I have been with the same students for six years which is half of their lives. The Lord has used me to guide and encourage many of the kids and to even be able to witness to a few of them.

So, on the last day of school, I thought that I would be crying a lot since that would be the last time that I would be with them. (No, I do not plan on volunteering at the junior high.) But, instead, I was full of joy and gratitude. What a blessing it has been to be a part of the lives of so many children and for so many years. I want them to remember me as an adult who cares about them and not a selfish cry-baby. I pray for them and wish them all the very best. And I thank God for all His blessings!

Mental Illness Part Five

I just feel led of the LORD to write another post about depression. There are so many people that suffer from this mental illness and several of them are Christians. I know because I am one of them, so is my mother, and so is my daughter. Someday, I believe, the scientists and doctors will discover that almost, if not all, mental illnesses are genetic. It is my hope and prayer that this post will bring some encouragement to those Christians who do suffer from mental illness, especially depression.

It was very hard for me to admit that I had a problem with depression especially after hearing from so many other Christians that it is the most selfish of all emotional problems. For those who don't have depression and may not understand, let me give you a little insight. It isn't something that I want to have nor is it something that I desire. It is a chemical imbalance that happens to my brain. It occurs whenever things get out of whack. Why and when it happens, is not something that I can just control. If I could, I would just wish and work it away. But that is impossible. I have heard from others, "Just think happy thoughts and then you will be happier." Okay, how does that work for someone who has heart problems? How does that work for someone who has pancreatic problems? How does that work for someone who has hearing loss? I do agree that there are times when I do need to change my thoughts, and if I can, I do try. But there are other times when there is nothing that seems to help and I just have to wait it out. And for those of you who still might think that mental illness is demon possession or oppression, where do you get that idea? If it is from the Gospels, then you must also believe that blindness, deafness, and physical crippledness are also from demons...because that is what it says in the Gospels.

Here is what I believe. I believe that most mental illness is genetic. I also believe that it is influenced by sexual hormones and that is why so many women suffer worse when their hormones are fluctuating. It is also a fact that more people who live in the "darker" areas of the world have more of a problem with depression. I heard that suicide among teenage Alaskans is 10 times higher than the national average, especially during their dark winter months. I sure know that I feel much worse during the shorter, cloudier days here in western Washington.

So, I do have some good news. There are some ways to help yourself. I am going to list the things that I do that help me and maybe they can help you too. I am not an expert; I just offer my suggestions.

1. Go see your doctor and get a good check-up to make sure that there are no other problems that may be causing your mental illness.

2. Be honest with yourself and with others. If they don't understand, that is their problem. There are others who will.

3. Take medication if the doctor believes that it will help. It may take several different ones and many months or years before you find one that works well for you. I use Savella, which is not an anti-depressant, but it helps my fibromyalgia and my mood.

4. Realize that anti-depressants do have side effects and may cause you to need other medications to help. All the anti-depressants that I tried gave me high blood pressure. I now take a very low dose of Benicar and am back to normal.

5. Exercise. You must do this! I ride a recumbent bike every day and when I feel really bad, it gets a good work-out. I tend to get angry when I am depressed and riding that bike helps work out that anger. I can get up to 20 miles an hour for about 10 minutes and by then I get to feeling better. I also do water aerobics and am very busy in my yard.

6. Take vitamin D. This really helps some people. I take 3000mg a day and so does my daughter. I have seen it help her.

7. Move to a warmer, sunnier climate if need be. I would if I could, but I can't so I don't.

8. Eat less fat. I have lost almost 50 pounds by eating less than 20grams of fat a day. Eat smaller meals of about 300 calories each and eat more often. If you eat 300 cals. or less a meal, you can easily have six meals a day. I tend to have three small meals and three snacks. It has worked for me. I no longer eat high fat, high calorie foods. I still eat most everything I like.

9. Take magnesium. I don't, because I no longer have any internal female organs. I have heard and read that magnesium can help those who have PMS. Look it up online.

10. Get in your Bible. Find many verses of encouragement. Write them in a book, put them on cards, memorize them, do whatever you can to have them close by when you are feeling really bad. I especially encourage you to memorize John 17:17, "Sanctify them through thy truth, THY WORD IS TRUTH." When those stupid thoughts try to overrun your brain, cling to God's Word because it is the truth. It is the only truth in this world. It is the only truth in your life.

11. Remember that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS". While you are in the depths of depression it may feel like you will never feel better, but you will. You have before and you will again. It will take time, but God is with you for He promised that He will never leave you nor forsake you.

If you would like to talk to me more about depression, please do. I know how awful it is and I know that there are times when I don't want to have anything to do with anyone, but the rest of the time, I want to pray for you and help you.

Guilt Trip

How do you get off a guilt trip? I have no problem getting myself on one, but getting off is tough. It seems that I mess up even when I don't mean to mess up and more often than I care to know. It seems that even when I have the best intentions and purposes, it winds up backfiring. Recently, I got mad at my sweetheart kitty. His morning meowing was starting to drive me crazy. He had been fed, loved on, petted, played with, and talked to. But it wasn't enough. Well, morning is my devoted time to the Lord. Usually, Kitten Boy will fall asleep while I pray and read my Bible. But not on this day. He just would not be quiet.

So, I got angry and put him outside where it was raining like crazy. He stayed on the back step where he wouldn't get wet and just stared in the backdoor. I instantly got on a lovely guilt trip. However, as I went back to my prayer time, the Holy Spirit seemed to say that I needed to focus on this guilt trip. Why was I feeling guilty? I had thrown the cat outside in the yecky weather. No, The Holy Spirit wanted me to get to the sin of the guilt trip...the cat would be fine outside, so, why was I on this guilt trip? Focus, Alice. It was easy...I felt guilty for my sin of getting angry. That was the problem. I admit that I have allowed the sin of anger to once again rear its ugly head in my life. It was a bad sin that I had dealt with a couple of decades ago but realized that I had let it come back and control my emotions.

I confessed and repented of my sin right then and there. Whenever I am now tempted to get angry (which is still quite often), I use God's Word to fight it, instead of giving in and then winding up on another guilt trip.

Then, last night, I was getting on one of the worse guilt trips, the kind that make you so upset that you just want to cry, you just want to hide, you just want to run-away from life. I felt that I had unintentionally hurt a very good friend. She didn't say anything to make me think it, but I just sensed it. (Sometimes I really hate my overactive imagination.) I won't go into all of the details, just suffice it to say that I felt horrid when I went to bed. My brain would not stop feeling guilty. I even tried to focus on the true problem, but I couldn't think of a sin. What the Holy Spirit revealed to me was that I need to really pray and seek God's will before I do anything that is "out of the norm". It is a good lesson that I need to learn.

This morning, I was able to put this new lesson into practice. I was getting ready to do something, that in all likelihood I would wind up doing anyways, but I hadn't taken the time to pray about it and to seek God's will in the matter. It just happened that I had something else that I was in the middle of doing and it needed my immediate attention, so I wasn't able to finish doing what I had started to do. And then my beloved came home from the gym and told me to wait before I acted. Praise God.

So, I am thankful for guilt trips, for the Holy Spirit who is trying to teach me a new lesson, and for the lessons themselves...even when they aren't very fun.