FLAMING fIbro

This has been the worst two plus weeks of fibro that I have had in a long time. Had a massage a few days ago, but I was so bad that it felt like I was being skinned alive. Didn't think I felt that bad, but wow, surprise, and not in a good way. The massage therapist wound up only able to do pressure point treatments. ARG! I was so looking forward to a good massage because I haven't been able to get a massage in a couple of months.

The pain and stiffness have become so bad that I cannot sleep all night, even with ibuprofen and Benadryl. And every morning I am so stiff that I have to do stretches in bed before I get up. Even then, it takes half an hour before I can walk without immense pain. Getting on the exercise bike helps a lot. And doing my morning stretches afterwards helps even more.

I am reading a book that is helping me keep my mind thinking the right things. It has been twenty years since I had read this book and just felt that it was time to read it again. I am so glad that I am. The book is called, "Telling Yourself The Truth". The first time I read it, my life was a complete mess. This time my life is much better, but I still struggle with the things that I say in my mind about circumstances. I think that I would be really depressed about the fibro if I was listening to my brain instead allowing God to take control of every thought and bring into captivity.

One major blessing did come from the massage. The therapist and her youngest son came to my church today for the Christmas play. In spite of this fibro attack, I was able to have a small part in the play as a shepherd. So, it was a great blessing to have my therapist and her son there for it.

Busy, busy

I know it has been a loooooong time since I posted on my blog. 

For the month of September, Jerry and I refinished our kitchen. It was hard work, lots of fun, and came out great. (That's Jerry above.)

Then I was called in to do subbing as a para-educator. I thought it would only be for a couple of weeks....it turned out to be two months and would have been even longer, except... I had to resign due to my fibromyalgia. The pain had been under control and not so bad that I couldn't handle it, but as time passed and the weather got worse, so did the pain. It is now so bad that I can hardly get out of bed in the morning, and it wakes me up in the early morning. I need to get back to the pool and back to as stress-free as possible. Now that I am no longer working, I should be able to get things back to a dull roar. I can't do anything about the weather that affects me so negatively, but not working will make it possible for me to go to bed when I need to and that always helps. This will also give me more time to get back to posting more frequently. Hope you will check back often, now that I am back.

God's amazing care for me

I am always amazed at the way God works. Why He would even care about someone like me, is beyond my puny comprehension. I just know that He does care about me, and He cares about you, and if we would just stop and take a moment to think about it, it is amazing.

Lately, I have been on another pity party. I was trying to wean myself down off of the Savella that I take for the fibromyalgia pain. For some stupid reason, I often think that "maybe I don't really have fibro and that I don't have to take medication for it." DUMB! Within a week of getting down to half the dosage, my back and hip started hurting non-stop, and then my ankle pain (that I haven't felt in almost a year) returned. So, I am getting back up to maintenance dosage and the pains are starting to go away. (Weird how that happens.)

So, anyhow, this morning during my quiet time with the Lord, it seemed the Holy Spirit asked me if I would be willing to yield my health completely to the Lord and be willing to give up some more of my dreams and desires? I said, "No Way! I have already given up enough. I have already gone through so much heartache and so many trials, that I didn't think it was fair for me to give up even more...and especially not something that I love to do so very much. Nope! No Way!" Then the Lord asked me if I trusted Him with all my heart? "Wow, do I have to tell the truth? Um, I do, but not in this area." He asked me how I could sing or even believe the words of Proverbs 3:5-6? It was a struggle, and I did not want to talk to the Lord about it anymore. How can I give up all to God when I feel like He has already taken so much from me? I left my quiet time knowing that God would somehow get my attention today.

The rest of my day was very busy, and I had sort of forgot about the conversation that I had left hanging with the Lord...but He didn't. This afternoon, I was checking my email and there was one from my Pastor. It had a link to a song. Oh my! That song was as if the Lord was singing it to me. The words are words from my own mind. (I am still crying.) The Holy Spirit used that song to speak to my heart and to break it and to get me to finally yield my health and these certain dreams and desires to my LORD. He does not owe me anything, however, I owe Him everything. I hope you will be able to link to the website and be blessed.
http://youtu.be/FWnWW549ywA

Fibromyalgia part two

Symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

• Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, weakness in the limbs, and leg cramps
• Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy
• Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep
• Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long
• Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks (“fibro fog”)
• Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome)
• Tension or migraine headaches
• Jaw and facial tenderness
• Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold
• Feeling anxious or depressed
• Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs, or feet
• Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder)
• Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise
• A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet
• Painful menstrual periods
• Dizziness

This list comes from webmd.com. There are many good websites that you can look at to learn even more about this rotten disorder of fibromyalgia.

I have to deal with just about all of these symptoms. The only one I don't have to "worry" about is the painful menstrual periods because I had a hysterectomy twenty-four years ago. I guess that was a blessing in disguise.

In my last posting about fibro, I wrote about the pain that I have to deal with every day. Today, I thought I would post about the fatigue I experience. There are times when it gets so bad that all I can do is sleep. It is like a tidal-wave when it overwhelms my brain and there is nothing that I can do about it. When I first started to notice the fatigue, I did try to fight it with all my strength. I remember a few years ago trying to make a dinner for my extended family that was coming over for a visit. The fatigue made me just want to go to sleep, but I had a dinner to prepare and housecleaning to get done. It got done, but I had to sleep for the next day and a half. It only took a couple more of these episodes to realize that I could not and should not even try to fight these fatigue attacks unless I really wanted to sleep for the next 36 hours. Now, I listen to my brain and just give it a rest. 

Now a days, when I feel fatigued, I usually just go to bed and stay there for three hours. When I get up, I still feel worn out, but in another hour or two, I feel well enough to go do something that would have been impossible if I hadn't napped.

Many times, though, I still get frustrated and discouraged that I have to even deal with the fatigue. Especially when it hits when I already have other plans. I get upset that I have to drop those plans or if able, do them another day. The Word of God says that in everything we are to give thanks and that all things work out for our good to those who love God. By faith and obedience, I am trying to trust in the Lord with all my heart and to thank Him for the fatigue as well as for the fibromyalgia in total. I admit I am not there yet. This is one lesson that I haven't fully learned and accepted as of yet. If you feel like it, you can pray for me to be truly and fully thankful and accepting of God's will. Thanks.

I hate sin

Yesterday, Bekah and I had the privilege of going to Seattle to help with a fund-raising event for Special Olympics. We decided that it would be best to park in Bremerton, ride the ferry, and then walk up to CenturyLink Field where we would be selling game day programs before the Seahawks played the Vikings.

There were so many people that walked on to the ferry and most of them were very strange acting and/or looking. It was really weird, and we didn't know what was going on. Usually, a ferry ride is a relaxing way to spend an hour, but not this time. There was this one guy that kept jumping up on the bench seats and yelling weird stuff. We also noticed that a lot of the females were wearing these leaf leis. And a bunch of guys had "leaf" pictures on their shirts and/or hats. I finally realized who 90% of these passengers were and where they were headed. They were going to the Seattly hemp-fest to get high once again. I was really surprised to see how many of them there were on this ferry. The saddest ones to see were those who had young children with them that they were taking to this pot-smoking "party".

It was nice to finally get off the ferry and to get away from all the weirdness. Bekah and I had a fun time hawking programs for three hours in the Event Center. Our vocal cords are raw from all of the yelling that we had to do to be heard above the crowds. While there, I kept thinking about all of those people who were coming to "worship" their football idols and how that so many of them were lost without Jesus as their Saviour. How I wished that instead of programs, I was handing out tracts to these football fans. What an amazing opportunity was wasted. My desire from this experience is to be able to pass out tracts at our local events.

After we got done selling programs, we were given tickets to the game. We got to sit in the "nosebleed" section right in front of a guy who couldn't say anything without a cuss word coming out after every word. We tried to just enjoy the game as we had never been to a professional football game in our lives. I thank God that Bekah had her I-pod and Bose headphones. She couldn't hear the guy, but I did. A couple of times I tried to shush him. I didn't get a break from him until after first quarter when he left for a few minutes. 

The other disturbing part of this day was all the beer that was being consumed at the football game, and that older people were buying and giving it to their underage friends. It made me heart sick. I was beginning to really hate sin and the hold that it has on so many people.

On the way home from Seattle, we were once again on a ferry was packed with people. The hemp-fest was over for the day and these folks were now so much more mellow than they had been in the morning. There had to be over 400 folks on the seating level, and 90% were from the pot party. Some of them were sleeping (even though it was only 9pm), others were just "melted" on the seats, and yet a few were still acting stupid. I could overhear many conversations about getting high at the festival. It was so sad that 50% of this crowd was high-school age or younger. My heart was so broken, and my mind was so angry at sin, that I couldn't stay inside for very long. Bekah and I went to the front of the ferry where we knew there would be lots less people. Even though it was windy and cold, I felt better.

By the time the ferry got to Bremerton I could not wait to get back to my van and be alone with Bekah and God. I was full of hate and had to do a lot of praying. The Holy Spirit reminding me of Jesus' words to love our enemies. (These folks weren't my enemies, but their sin was.) The Holy Spirit also made me realize that there is even though I felt like there was no way that I could love these people, but that God does, and that if I let Him, He can love them through me.

Fibromyalgia

This morning, I had someone ask me about fibromyalgia. I have had discussion with others about it before and have been thinking about posting on my blog for quite a while on the subject of my fibromyalgia. In the image above you can see the common tender points that are used to identify if someone has fibromyalgia. I have all of them to some degree. The main thing is that a person must have pain in all four quadrants of the body: above the waist on the right side, above the waist on the left side, below the waist on the right side, and below the waist on the left side. There are other "signs" that a person has fibromyalgia, and these are also needed for a diagnosis. The major one is fatigue. I also have that and at times I have it really bad.

So, how to describe fibro? Every day I have pain which never leaves. Some days it is worse and every now and then it actually isn't too bad. Think of how you feel when you have the flu and your body aches all over. That is how I feel on my worst days. Now think of how you feel when you have a headache. That is how my body feels on most days. My worst pain is in my elbows, knees, lower back, and neck. I realize that is where most of the tender points are located...well, that's where I hurt. The worst of the worst is my lower back. That pain is bad and causes me to not be comfortable when I sit. Much of the time I have to get up or move every 15 minutes. It does help me to have a comfortable yet firm chair with lumbar support. Those of you who know me from church have seen that I sit in the auditorium on a cushion and with a small blanket rolled up behind my back. That helps me a lot, but not completely. I haven't yet found anything that helps totally relieve the aches. I love going to Sunday school, however the chairs in there are really uncomfortable to my body and it is very hard for me to sit still.

There is medication that I take that does help me to make it through the day. So far, I have tried all of the three that have been specifically created to help fibro patients. I currently take Savella. I also take ibuprofen three times a day and Tramadol at night. I have tried naproxen, but it makes me very drowsy and gives me strange dreams. Other things that help are getting into a hot tub. Wish I had one at home, but a hot shower has to do for now. Recently, I went out and purchased a larger heating pad to lay on and it feels so good when my back hurts really bad. Medication has helped somewhat but has never removed all of the pain.

I will write more about fibro in my next posting (Lord willing), but as I am hurting pretty bad today, this is all I can do for now.

Broken heart

My heart is broken over the young ladies who think that love equals sex, or that sex equals love. Yesterday I decided to go to the Port Orchard ferry 45 minutes early. I thought that the library might be open, but it wasn't. So, I had 45 minutes to wait for Bekah's ferry. Since the weather was so nice and the scenery was so beautiful, I decide to walk around the marina and waterfront. I was having a very nice time until I got to the waterfront park. It was shady and that made me cold. I had just turned to go back to my van when I heard my name called. I turned back to see two girls that I had worked with from the school where I volunteer. One of the girls was sitting in front of a boy who had his hands all over her. At first, I thought I would just wave and leave, but the other girl was one that I hadn't seen much since she was now in junior high. It was embarrassing to walk up the sitting area to where the trio was seated. The older girl left the other two and walked over to hug me. The younger girl finally moved to sit next to the boy, but he still had his arms around her tightly.

It wasn't hard to imagine what had been going on between the two of them. I had been just like that when I was her age. Looking for some boy to "love" you, to desire you, to want you. And not understanding that all he really wanted was to get his hands (or more) all over your body. I talked to the older girl for a little while, but my heart was breaking over the whole situation and I couldn't wait to get back to the van so that I could cry and pray. Which is just what I did.
This young girl is only 12 years old. Please pray for her and for all those who are like her. Please pray for me to have the wisdom of God in dealing with this situation. Please pray for the parents of both girls that they would be able to help their precious girls to understand that true love is not sex, that these parents would love their girls and care for them in the best ways possible. Thank you!